
I’ve always been envious of parents who can give their child the gift of a magical relationship with their grandparents. Another set of hands to help out, another heart to love them, another person wanting the best that life can offer just the way you do.
Sadly though for my kids this is the one thing I’ll never be able to provide.
My mother, you see, is an alcoholic.
By nature she is selfish, proud and arrogant. My dad left her many years ago. I know she loves me in her own way but our relationship has never been close and truth be told I’ve been holding this together. It is very much a one way street in terms of emotional support.

I wish my children had a loving grandparent. Image: istock
I couldn't tell you how many times she's let me down, reliability has never been her strong point. Her words have cut deeper than any knife ever could have and I've lost count of the times she's embarrassed me in front of others. But I hang in there because that's what you do, right?
She's had tragedy in her life, it's true, and has battled depression for most of her years. She's engaged with specialists of every kind but it's the drink that will kill her. Her daily amount is more than most people's weekly quota and it's getting worse by the day. It's not unusual for her to pour the first drink at around 10 am (because it's 12pm somewhere, right?) and she'll generally pass out somewhere early evening. She's been referred to more rehabs than you could imagine but every time she finds a reason why she can't go. Forget a regular grandparent offering to babysit, my mother can't even drive the car to come and get them!
Top Comments
As hard as it is I stopped talking to my dad to save my son the heart ache. He is an alcoholic with borderline personality disorder. It's been over a year since we last spoke. I feel the most important question I had to ask myself is how would I feel if he passed away before we ever spoke again and sadly the answer is relieved. My son deserves better than the verbal abuse, the suicidal threats, the selfishness, the drunken conversations. My only regret is that I never believed I deserved better and always felt it was my responsibility to look after him when it should have been the other way around.
If you believe your kids are at risk - cut off the relationship and explain that Nanny is not well and you can't see her anymore. Kids will and do understand. Many kids grow up with limited contact with grandparents for a myriad of reasons so it is something children would of experienced or have peers going through this. Secondly, if you think your relationship is toxic - cut it off. Don't dwell on it. If you have lived a roller coaster of these issues, then you have already emotionally gone through enough, so do the right thing for yourself and end it. I think people find it hard when they try to justify it, either to themselves or others. you owe no one an explanation. People cut off from their loved ones or family when they feel damaged. It is hard however it sounds like staying in the relationship is harder. Be kind to yourself and stop thinking about it and act. Truly toxic relationships serve no positive role in your life.