real life

'I'm getting married and I can't stand the thought of having a reception.'

If there’s one piece of advice brides are sure to be served on their wedding day, it’s this: “Take a moment to take it all in. It all goes so fast”.

For Reddit user fahfahbobah her nuptials can’t go quickly enough. A self-confessed introvert, the 32-year-old finds the thought of parading down an aisle and twirling in tulle for dozens of semi-intoxicated guests to be nothing short of nauseating.

In fact, if it were purely her choice, her big day would involve a quick and dirty trip to the courthouse to sign on the dotted line. The end.

Yet despite the trend toward ego-centric ‘bridezillas’, fahfahbobah has recognised that the day is also kind of about someone else. She has thus conceded to her future hubby and plans to get hitched the good ol’ fashioned way – in front of 100 people.

She writes:

I am absolutely dreading the idea of a reception. Generally, I only have enough stamina for 2 to 3 hours of a large social event. At a wedding, where I’m the centre of attention and expected to be “on” the whole time, and meet and greet dozens of people, I can see myself running out of stamina in less than an hour.

The entire thing will be a dreaded chore that I will only be doing as a sacrifice for my partner.

Can you feel the romance, people?

The sweet little wall flower will unfortunately have to go through the motions in front of 100 guests, roughly half of whom will be jetting in from overseas. Start tasting cakes, fahfahbobah – this is happening.

Her question now is:

What is the minimum length of time that a reception can be without being rude? And how do you get people to leave at the end? My fantasy is somehow getting away with a reception that’s less than two hours long.

As ever, other Reddit users were liberal with advice for fahfahbobah. One suggested a multi-room venue with places to hide, another talked of booking a daytime wedding that would be conveniently have to be cut short by another couple’s evening ceremony.

Then the aptly named tipsytops2 swooped in to say that a premature exit wouldn’t really be an issue: “Give people free food and booze and they probably won’t be too concerned where you are.” Harsh but true tipsytops2. Harsh but true.