Since history began couples have been trying to “spice up” their sex lives, at least that’s what magazine publishers would have you believe.
“Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects,” says a here unnamed women’s publication, just for an incredibly odd example to kick us off.
We’ve been led to believe there are any number of sex positions out there, each one more pretzel-like and orgasmic than the last. The only limit? You’re imagination (and how long you can ignore that cramp in your leg).
But no more, we say, NO MORE!
Finally, someone has called bullsh*t on the so-called “sex-position-industrial complex“, which tells us we ought to sex-ercise our sofas doing something called the Couch Canoodle and go up and down, round and round on the Sexual Seesaw (honestly, it sounds nothing short of nauseating).
“From the Kama Sutra to Cosmo, thousands of guides have been created to mitigate that fear and ostensibly help the reader become better in bed,” writes journalist Gabriella Paiella in a recent article in which she argues when it comes to heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex, there are only six ways to do it.
This is how she ranks them:
- There’s Missionary, where the man is on top.
- There’s the Cowgirl, where the woman is on top.
- There’s Reverse Cowgirl, where the woman is on top but facing away from her partner.
- There’s Spooning, which is both cute AND energy efficient.
- There’s the unfortunately named Doggy-style aka doing it from behind.
- And then there’s Standing, which, let’s face it, is a logistical challenge at the best of times.