We all get into a bit of a slump when it comes to sex with our partners.
It might be kids getting in the way.
It might be work stress.
It might just be a slump.
(While we are talking about sex, the one trick to better sex is something you’re probably wearing as you read this. Click here.)
I am 44 and she is 39. We have been married for over 15 years and I love her – but I cannot figure out the sex thing with her. I have tried everything. She is way too conservative and she has turned me into a premature ejaculator. So here we go:
- Routine. She only wants it one way. We go downstairs to the spare bedroom (we cannot wake the kids). We undress ourselves. NO TOUCHING! We kiss for awhile, I play with her breasts for awhile, I go down on her with a small vibrator, she orgasms in two minutes tops, makes me stop because it is too sensitive, and then I go missionary. She WILL NOT DEVIATE.
- She has not given me a blowjob in 17 years, but I must go down on her because that is the only way she can get off. Since I can get off by sex then I “don’t need a blowjob”.
- She has not even TOUCHED MY PENIS in 10 years. She just won’t. I tried to move her hand there when we are kissing, but no. Hell,I have even asked. She just laughs and doesn’t do it.
- Sex cannot be initiated by touching or kissing. It must be scheduled or she asks me “Do you want do it?”. That is her idea of spontaneous. It can only be that one room. No other room is available. No shower sex. No late night fun on the couch when the kids are asleep. Nothing.
- If I take longer than 5 minutes to orgasm she starts getting annoyed. After years of this I am now conditioned to go earlier than 5 minutes because I want to avoid that. She likes how it feels but she says she starts getting uncomfortable. I asks if she wants to switch positions, and she says NO…she says doggy style is slutty and her on top makes her boobs jiggle too much.
- Talking dirty? No that is just for porn. Role Playing? “I would feel silly”. Other toys? “No rabbit vibe is fine”.
- She is repulsed by lingerie. When she comes down for sex she is in lounge pants and one of my t-shirts. She undresses like she is in a doctor’s office. If I try to take her clothes off for her and start kissing her she gets agitated. “Not until we are both naked and in bed”.
- Massage her? Sure fine. Massage me? 2 minutes and it is “my hands hurt.”
- Kiss me anywhere on my body other than my lips? Nope. No neck, no chest, nothing…
- Sex on a weekday? You must be joking! We have work in the morning and the kids have school. Yeah like our 10 minute session will really ruin the workday.
I wish I was making this up. But I am not. Before we were married and we were dating she was slightly more adventurous. I might get a hand job here and there and she would ride cowgirl. I looked past the blow jobs because I love her. We used to actually do it more than once a session. Now, nothing is more dreadful to me then going down to the spare room. It feels like a chore. It feels like it is an obligation.
I do love her. I love spending time with her outside the bedroom. She is a great mother. We have a lot of fun otherwise. Yet no matter how much I talk to her about what I would like from our sex life, she never changes. She has every excuse in the book. It almost feels like our roles are reversed. As soon as she orgasms she stops trying. Not that she tried that hard to begin with.
I want it to be magical. I want mutual touching. I want longer foreplay. I want long kisses everywhere. I want to tease and be teased.
I want better sex. This could ruin our relationship. I do not know what else to do. I want better sex with my wife.
The post received over 400 comments from concerned Reddit Users. Many of them mentioned sex therapy or just telling her all of the above (in a slightly nicer way of course).
One said that she was going to go give her husband some wild sex so that he never felt this neglected. Ahh…sweet?