Image: American Pie.
Love hurts, they say… but after reading these first-hand accounts of sex injuries we can confidently say making love has the potential to hurt even more.
Research suggests many of us have broken a wine glass or even a bed in the act, but that’s pretty tame compared to some of the painful and, in some cases, long-lasting bodily injuries some unfortunate souls have sustained.
1. The worst first time.
“The very first time I had sex I tore my frenulum preputii*, the damn thing wouldn’t clot so they had to cauterise it and then six months later they cut what remained of it in half so it didn’t tear again… Not the best way to lose ones virginity.
* For those who aren’t doctors, flap of skin that connects to bottom of dick head tore, had to burn it with fire.”
2. The one with the goat.
"Whilst working on a farm a few years back, this girl and I were having a summer fling. It was my last night, so we got fairly drunk and ended up in our room. Key part of the story: our room was in the attic of the barn, above where the goats slept. And we absolutely did not lock the door on the way up, because alcohol. Fifteen minutes, we hear clip-clops on our floor. I think it's someone coming upstairs, totally ignoring the fact that it was a fucking clip-clop, not footsteps. Because alcohol. And then the goat proceeded to head butt me off of the bed, mid coitus."
Watch: They're not an injury, but here's why queefs happen during sex. (Post continues after video.)
3. Love burns.
"I made my girlfriend dinner one time, then the foreplay happened, then came the realisation that I had been slicing scotch bonnet peppers bare handed."
4. The double whammy.
"Girlfriend in uni was on top, riding rather vigorously... On the upswing, she disconnected ever so slightly, but just enough that when gravity asserted itself, horribleness occurred. The impact folded my rigid junk in half, and coupled with the impact on her pubic bone, left both of us scrambling to opposite corners of the bed holding our respective genitalia, each worried how badly hurt the other person was."