Yep, we’re going there. What to know about having sex in menopause.

If sex and menopause aren’t two words you’ve thought about in the same sentence before, today's the day. There’s a big misconception that sex lives after the age of 40 are as empty and featureless as the desert, complete with the occasional tumbleweed. 

But when I turned 40 a few years ago, I definitely didn’t feel like I was on a downward slope to sexual irrelevancy. And when I look around at the gorgeous, strong and sexy women around me in their 40s, 50s and beyond, it’s clear that menopause doesn’t have to mean ‘game over’ for your sex life.

In fact, many women report having the best sex of their lives in their mid-life years through peri and menopause.

It’s one of life’s cruel ironies that as we age and feel more comfortable and confident in our own skin, lowering hormone levels and the impact of menopause can mean sex might feel awkward, uncomfortable and even downright painful.

Let’s unpack the essentials for sex in menopause – the changes you might notice in your own body, and what exactly you need to know about it.

The reality of vaginal dryness in menopause.

Vaginal dryness is a reality for many women in menopause. As our levels of oestrogen lower, the vaginal walls thin and become less elastic, and natural lubrication reduces, meaning you can experience dryness, itchiness and in some cases, pain during intercourse (which certainly ain’t sexy). 

The good news is vaginal dryness doesn’t need to spell the end of sex. Use lubricant during sex, and consider seeking out a moisturiser designed for this delicate area. I recommend Dr Wolff’s V-san Moisturising Cream, which is a hormone-free cream designed to instantly combat vaginal dryness, and alleviate any itching, burning and discomfort.

In contrast to a purely water-based gel, this cream doesn't only moisturise the skin in the genital area but also provides nurturing lipids (fats). This combination causes the skin of the genital area to be smoother, which can also have a positive effect to alleviate painful sex.

How your pelvic floor changes.

Looking after your pelvic floor as you age isn’t just about avoiding incontinence and light bladder leakage – it can also have an impact on your sex life. Pelvic floor exercises can help to increase strength and awareness of the muscles involved in pleasurable sexual experiences, improving the experience of sex in menopause. 

Keeping up your own level of fitness with regular movement during perimenopause and menopause (and beyond) is also key to being able to enjoy sex in this life stage. Exercises like yoga and pilates will not only help you feel stronger and more flexible, they’ll also help with your pelvic floor health. Pass me my yoga mat! 

If your libido feels like it’s taken a hit.

Lowering libido is a reality for many women in menopause, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of your sexual adventures. A lowered sex drive might be the result of hormonal changes, but it can also be linked to other lifestyle factors – for example, if you’re moving less you might not feel ‘in the mood’. 

If your libido feels like it’s taken a hit, think about ways to bring some spice into the bedroom. 

Sex toys, erotic books and movies, massage and dirty talk can all help you get the vibes back. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to try something, but have never had a chance or been comfortable to vocalise it. Now’s the time to start ticking things off that bedroom bucket list. 

Open communication with any sexual partner.

Is there anything sexier than open, honest communication? I think not. 

If you have a partner, don’t leave them in the dark about what’s happening in your body. Talk to them about the symptoms you might be managing, and reassure them that any lack of interest is definitely not a reflection on them. 

Hormonal changes in menopause can also bring on anxiety, low mood and trouble sleeping, so if sex is the last thing on your mind right now, it’s more than okay. 

Talk to your partner about the kind of symptoms you’re experiencing and explore this as something to navigate together, rather than something to feel solely responsible for, or even ashamed of. While many women don’t experience extreme symptoms, just as many truly do, so keep an open mind about what might happen and include your partner so they can give you the support or space you need. 

Don't forget self-pleasure.

Menopause is a milestone in your life, and it pays to let go of your previous beliefs and expectations around sex and what it looks like in a healthy relationship. You might be intimate in different ways than before – penetrative sex doesn’t always have to be the goal. 

For some, menopause is a time of sexual freedom – the exhaustion of your early parenting years (if you’ve had kids) has passed, you feel more confident in your own skin, and more aware and explorative of what you do and don’t like. Sex becomes less about performing what we think we ‘should’ be doing to please ourselves and our partners, and getting real about what actually feels good. 

You might also use this as a time to explore self-pleasure or develop new self-care rituals that make you feel more connected with yourself and your needs. Whether that’s a long bath, regular massages, or meditation. 

Whatever happens, keep an open mind and be kind to yourself. Menopause isn’t an end; it’s a new kind of beginning, and sex can definitely be a part of this next chapter. 

Check out Dr. Wolff's V-san Moisturising Cream, an effective, hormone-free cream to alleviate symptoms such as burning, itching, and pain due to vaginal dryness.

Always read the label and follow the directions for use.

This information is general in nature and does not replace the advice of a healthcare professional. As with any medical condition, always seek health advice from a qualified healthcare professional.

Feature Image: Getty/Mamamia.