SEALED SECTION: 'I'm too self conscious to try this in bed'



Do you ever feel self-conscious in bed? Mamamia sexpert Tracey Cox may have some advice that you could help you…

Today’s Question: I’m seeing someone that I’m really attracted to, the sex is really great (best I have had) but there’s something holding me back. I’m not a very sexually confident person. I’m good at the ‘old fashioned’ things like hand jobs and I’m good at going down on him – great, actually!  But when I get on top, I get all self-conscious. I worry I look weird from that angle and while I’m having sex. Also, I don’t think I’m very good at being in top generally. How can I become better at all this and really make him think that this is the best sex he’s ever had?

Tracey’s answer: Breathe. Honey, if you’re even half of what you say here – delivering hell head-jobs and heavenly hand-jobs and rating the sex you’re having as the best you’ve had – he’s already on cloud nine! Why aren’t you sexually confident? You say you’re good at the basics like hand-jobs and great at oral sex (not sure why you think they’re ‘old-fashioned’ – somehow I think they’ll always be in fashion!). The only thing I’m getting from your email is some trepidation during one particular sex position – you on top – which, I have to say is something a lot of females wrestle with.

Some women worry about how their breasts look, others worry about ‘fat’ tummies or how their face looks ‘hanging down’. The reality is that the guy lying beneath you is usually so grateful that he’s not having to do all the work, he’s hardly going to be critical at all. He is indeed looking at your wobbly bits – your breasts – and transfixed by them. You on top is one of few positions that gives him a bird’s eye view of your body and he appreciates every moment. So please stop worrying.

As for ‘not being very good’ at being on top, I think you’re talking about problems with the actual thrusting. There are two ways to position yourself, so experiment to find out which one suits you. First try squatting over him so your feet are flat – if there’s a bedhead, you could lean forward and grab this for balance – and use your calf and upper thigh muscles to lift you up and down. Or straddle him so you’re resting on your knees and use your upper thigh and buttock muscles to thrust. If you really can’t get the hang of it, the cheat’s way is to get him to hold you around the waist and lift you up and down or you stay completely still as he thrusts underneath you.

Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s  appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot SexsupersexsuperflirtHot Relationships andsuperhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.

Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here.   Her website is at and you can buy her books here.  Tracey also blogs weekly here.

Ever found yourself feeling self-conscious in bed? Any advice? What are you too shy to try?