I am despairing at what is happening in our primary schools and you should be too.
Are you even aware of the playground policies in force at your kids’ school? Ask them, they’ll know. I wasn’t until this week, and what I found out has both shocked and pissed me off in equal proportions.
I sat in on my 7-year-old’s school assembly this week. She is in grade two, so it is still pretty cool to have your mum hanging around just generally being awesome. (Shut up, it is!) I like to sit down on the floor with the kids and gently corrupt them (make fart noises with my shoes, crack gags etc) as the assembly drones on. Because they always do, drone on.
The usual stuff was occurring — kids getting spelling awards, don’t litter, blah, blah, blah. Then the principal got up and announced that from this week onwards red flags would be stuck on the play equipment when the school deemed it too wet to play. Every morning, a teacher would walk around and physically stick a red flag on the swings and slides if they were wet so the students knew not to have any fun whatsoever on them.
WHAT THE WHAT NOW BOSS LADY?!
The sandpit would also be getting the flag treatment if it was wet, because you know- wet sand it just so dangerous. No, she actually said “We don’t want to have to call your Mum and Dad to say you have wet and dirty pants.”
Do you know what? Let them be wet! Let them be dirty!
If I actually got that call I would laugh manically, yell “suck it up” loud enough for my child to hear and then aggressively press end call on my iPhone.
Plus, I pack spare leggings and undies in her bag anyway. So she can take some responsibility for herself should she need to. I know – what a revolutionary idea.
Back to the flag situation.
I couldn’t believe it: I looked around the room expecting a riot from the other parents.
So I looked to my fellow floor comrades – the grade twos. They looked beaten down, sad and resigned to the regime. Poor little bastards. I decided to do some further investigation, I asked my kid what other rules were in place in the playground? She told me you are not allowed to run in certain areas, there are rostered days on and off for the oval, they have to eat all their food inside and the grade Prep 1-2s are not allowed on the basketball courts full stop.