
By Sarah Ferguson.
It’s hard to imagine in Australia today there is a need for refuges, places where women and children live protected by sensor alarms and security cameras. But forty years after the first refuge opened in Sydney’s inner-west, the need is as urgent as ever, writes Sarah Ferguson.
Why don’t they leave? It’s the wrong question to ask about domestic violence. But I asked it at the beginning of the ABC’s series on domestic violence, “Hitting Home“.
I wanted all of us to hear the resounding answers from people who live in these toxic relationships and the police, lawyers doctors and community workers who see the consequences.

In hospitals and police stations and the safe rooms of courts, in houses and refuge bedrooms late at night, I got the answer to that question many times over. Perpetrators of domestic violence seek to control their partners, often beginning with small seemingly banal steps, until the victim’s sense of themselves is lost. One woman with a safe room built into her house to protect her from her violent ex-husband told me it was like living in a cult. And on top of that they feel shame and embarrassment for the predicament they are in.
We began the series in a prison and a refuge. We started in prison to catch the beginning of a 10 week program aimed at preventing violent men from re-offending: day 1 and 10 offenders considered at high risk of returning to jail. They were resistant, unwilling to accept responsibility and inclined to blame their partners. (One of the most violent men in the group came up to me in the tea break and told me he had watched my last series, the Killing Season, or some of it anyway. He wasn’t that impressed.) That day we were waiting for news from the refuge, one of the young women there, Jessica* was due to have a baby and I wanted to get there before the baby was born.
Top Comments
Thank you Sarah, the documentary was incredible. Hard to watch, but necessary. I think it should be shown in schools...
I grew up in a DV (domestic violence) environment. Before I'd turned 18, my dad broke my nose and jaw, sprained my wrists and arms, slammed my head into a wall on a regular basis, and beat the shit out of my mother for 20 years, throwing her on the ground (4ft9) and kicking her in the stomach regularly. Neighbours heard it and back then, no-one did anything about it. It's why I joined the cops (despite being a socialist - thinking I'd make a difference). It's heartbreaking how many of these women go back over and over and over, despite having AVO's, PINOPS (Person in Need of Protection) in place and offers of shelter and protection. They're conditioned to think they will be in a worse position if they leave - I can close my eyes and remember my dad telling mum repeatedly if she left he'd take all the money, the house, the car, and she'd be "dead within a month". The only way this situation will resolve is if police have the power to lock up these offenders at the first blow, if not before, rather than waiting for the courts to do the right thing. And there needs to be a hell of a lot more goddamned sensitivity from (predominately male) police officers...even being in the job, when I went to the cops after the final time my dad punched me I experienced hostility and indifference in reporting what had happened. As one of them!! I can only imagine what every other woman has to face. It's disgusting and needs to be rectified before one more woman loses their life. Already this year we've lost more women to DV than you would expect in a terrorist attack on average; yet society ignores this utter shame.
Thank you for mentioning the police in your comment - I have been told time and again that one of the reasons for not reporting crime is because females are scared of male police officers. Have also been told of very unhelpful male police officers, sometimes even mocking.
Please don't ever doubt you are making a difference. You are sharing your story. And I am sure you are helping change the culture from within to police force too. Thank you.