Same-Sex Marriage opponents argue that the ‘sanctity of marriage’ – a term which originally described the Christian Bible-related holiness of marriage between a man and a woman – will be destroyed if The Gays are allowed to get married. But I have some disappointing news for them: it’s already ruined.
Because I already ruined it.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, (ok it was about a decade ago) I got married. I had a diamond ring, and a new surname, and called myself Mrs. So there was a time when I held marriage sacred.
But never in the traditional religious sense. God had nothing to do with our union. I didn’t get married anywhere remotely near a Church, which is hard to achieve in the freaking City of Churches. I got married at a winery. Where they make lots and lots of wine. Because wine is what I hold sacred.
And even worse – I married a man who had already been married – twice. If you’re good at maths like I am, you’ll realise that meant I was the THIRD WIFE.
But even before we were married, we’d already ruined its potential sanctity. You may be shocked at this, but…we had sex before our wedding night. With each other.
This pre-marital carnal knowledge happened in the name of good times and strictly was not for procreation purposes – in direct violation of sanctity of marriage principles.
And, when it later came time to make our contribution to re-populating the planet as is every heterosexual couple’s absolute obligation, I once again failed. Our son was not conceived as part of our holy union – he was made during a threesome involving me, my husband, and our fertility specialist doctor. There was nothing natural or divine about it. It was about as far from an immaculate conception as you can get, because science vs fiction.