By MAMAMIA TEAM
So, um, not sure if you’ve heard but the royal baby is officially about to exit Kate Middleton’s body.
As in, EVERYBODY OFFICIALLY FREAK THE F#@K OUT THE ROYAL BABY IS OFFICIALLY COMMMMMING.
We’ll just give you a moment to clean up the chunks of hair you have no doubt just ripped out of your head in a royal birthing frenzy. Calmed down?
Good. Now. We’re assuming you’ve organised to take leave from work until this whole thing is over. You’ll definitely need uninterrupted access to 11 different news channels – each with an expert panel of royal experts who have the ability to expertly talk for hours about the same footage of a hospital gate.
This weekend is the expected due date by most media outlets, all of which obviously have intimate knowledge of Kate’s womb activity. But maybe take Monday off just to be safe.
Not feeling it? Couldn’t care less? Think the world has gone a bit bat-sh*t cray? Well, allow us to change your mind with these completely sensible examples of people not doing anything remotely crazy in preparation for the royal bub.
1. The Royal Baby Blog:
Need solid information on what the royal baby will look like as a teenager? Desperate to know what the royal baby’s schedule is for 2014? Um, who isn’t? This is the blog for you.
It’s pretty much been live since the exact moment of royal conception. There’s even a tab that says Royal Baby #2 so… look forward to many years of exclusive, absolutely YOUR RIGHT TO KNOW private royal information.
2. The ‘Merchandise’
All. The. Merchandise.
3. Completely sensible gifts that the Royal couple will almost definitely use:
For example, the company that makes this product.