Hair pulling, spanking, spitting, restraints, gags, blindfolds, handcuffs… Rough sex is trending.
It’s rise to ‘mainstream status’ arrived with the release of erotica like Fifty Shades of Grey, which saw women around the world uncover a different, darker side of their sexuality. All of a sudden, whips and restraints were brought up in conversation with girlfriends, and exploration in bedrooms (and red rooms?) around the world reached a whole new level of kinkiness.
Rough sex is not new. And for many, the action in Fifty Shades of Grey possibly seems vanilla. But, for those who’ve never been in a position of pleasure while being slapped, spat on or whipped; rough sex pushes an entirely new boundary when it comes to pleasure and trust with a partner.
Expert in BDSM, kink, rope, and rough-sex, Danarama, recently gave an interview with Broadly. In it, he discusses how people interested in rough sex, but new to the logistics of it, could broach the subject with a partner. He also revealed some useful starting points for popping the kink-cherry.
First up, drop the stigma. Rough sex doesn’t have to be about violence, or imitating rape, it can be about mutual pleasure and exploration. (Danarama actually makes it sound quite romantic).
“Rough sex is about consensual sex with abandon, the feeling that your partner is so overwhelmed with passion that they just want to really pounce on you,” he says. “Sometimes people just want to be taken with high-exposure positions.”
These ‘high exposure’ positions are a good ‘introduction’ to rough sex. Danarama says changing traditional positions – like missionary and doggy style – to be more open and intense can make sex feel rougher, even though it’s actually not. For example, being held down on the bed, or having your legs and ankles held wide, can increase the feeling of submission and vulnerability.