So we open on the Girl Prisoners and not our Muscles With A Head, obviously because we need to debrief on what will forever be known as the EPIC PEASANT COCKTAIL PARTY BREAKDOWN.
It’s the morning after, and The Originals are talking to The Intruders and everyone is smiling and pretending to be lovely when really they are wishing nothing on the other side but crusty, oozing bumhole herpes.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I HATE YOU."
"Oh my gosh you’re so sweet! I curse the day you were conceived!"
"LOL isn't it great how I definitely don't want to hurt you?!?"
"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL."
Oshie’s Hair drops off the single date card, which goes to Olena (refresher: Ukranian make-up artist who has literally only said three sentences the entire show. Dickie Bach always looks at her body while saying how much he likes her ‘Quiet Confidence’.)
Noni The Bacon Girl and Super Villain Keira de Vil are devo because they’ve never been picked for a single date, and now they’re being lapped by someone who’s already been on one. They’re being Single Date Lapped. If that’s not a sign you’re getting booted soon, I don’t know what is.
Single Date Time!
OH HOLY OPRAH FINALLY WE HAVE A PRIVATE JET! REPEAT: THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE. A PRIVATE JET HAS ARRIVED.
Has Queen Sandra Sully answered my prayers and stepped in to fix the budget problems?!? Did someone get busted for spending all the initial money on that stupid crane date and some magic beans?!?
I don’t know how this came about; all I can say is the money better damn well last, and the trip at the end of the season had better be overseas and not just to a national park 20 minutes out of Sydney.