Alright, look. I’m kind of over this cray cray/ridiculously offensive show to women – I can’t even tell you. So I decided to have a few drinks – just to get through tonight’s episode. I’ve never written about Bachie drunk before, and they say being drunk is a truth serum, so let’s see how this goes!!
Channel Ten has virtually given up. We know this. They’re spending zero money on this show and everything they have left on Australian Survivor, which, given that’s a show about men and women competing equally and has nothing to do with basing a person’s value on their ability to attract the opposite sex, I can completely understand.
Boss of Channel Ten, Queen Sandra Sully, knew the funds had to be shared this year and… Well, I’m psyched that she decided not to give the bulk to a show that forces women into ridiculous outfits so they can compete in embarrassing physical challenges for a man who is dating all of them and will whittle them down to the one he considers most amenable to his plans to launch a fitness and/or clothing business. Hooray women!!
There’s only a few Girl Prisoners left. One of them is brunette. One of them is -GASP!- an intruder. (Obviously the Hot Blonde Model Intruder because obviously.) This evening there will be - get this- a single date with Dickie Bach, and a group date with Dickie Bach! How fresh! How new! And I have no doubt that the Group Date will involve another fucking humiliating physical challenge because a) Channel Ten has no money left and putting the girls in tiny shorts while they race/wrestle is cheap and b) Dickie Bach seems to be unable to hold any kind of prolonged conversation with any other human being, so getting physical keeps the show mildly entertaining.
SINGLE DATE TIME!
It’s been obvious for a few weeks now that Nikki is the winner, so tonight’s single date with Dickie Bach will not be of entertainment value at all, except to highlight further how they are perfect for each other and she is the winner. When the date opens with lots of shots of growing leaves on trees, we know that the next 15 minutes of television are going to be gripping.
So, Dickie Bach picks up Nikki in an antique car, because this date is going to be shit and I guess the producers figured a slightly different vehicle would be better than a regular vehicle? Is that the logic behind this?
Look! It’s a funny car and not a regular car! Isn’t this show just so entertaining!!!!
They drive to some old pub, which Dickie Bach informs us while laughing was built by convicts, which they both seem to find super hilarious, even though, you know, most convicts were brought to Australia against their will and forced into hard labour often for very minor offences that did not justify taking them away from their homes and families so they could populate a country that already had an entire native population. But you know, it looks like olden times, so HAHAHAHAHAHA!