Guys, it’s 2017 and you know what that means?
It’s Revenge Body with Khloe Kardashian time.
But turn that frown upside down, because the premiere episode has aired and it’s… no sorry, there’s no way to sugarcoat this, it’s as depressing as it sounds.
And the reviews pouring in online have not been kind.
As the title suggests, the show centres on the completely absurd and unhealthy premise of getting back at someone who hurt you by changing your body shape. Because what other people think is of utmost importance.
The first episode kicked off with contestants Stephanie Perez and Will Ontiveros, who take turns opening up to the 32-year-old Kardashian sister about their reasons for signing up for the program.
Will is keen to exact revenge on his charming ex who broke up with him over his appearance. He hopes to win him back by losing weight.
As he explains all of this to Khloe, we have trouble working out if there is even an ounce of sympathy on her face. She only just manages to squint her eyes and utter a ‘mmmm’. Well done.
As their conversation continues, Khloe tries to relate to Will’s struggle with his confidence. Apparently the best way to do that is to describe the times she felt better about herself when her sister Kim Kardashian West felt worthless after breaking up with her boyfriends.
“It always used to make me feel a little good. ‘Well if Kim feels that way then I’m okay that I feel that way’,” Khloe tells Will.
“I feel great just hearing that,” Will responds.
Khloe adds: “I used to be like ‘I’m sorry you’re not feeling well Kim – but YES, I know I’m not alone’.”
Just, lovely. How to fix your self-esteem? Find someone who feels shitty and watch yourself feel miraculously better. For about a tenth of a second. Perfect advice.
When we meet Stephanie, she tells us she was labelled the “fat friend” by her former bestie.
“So do you want revenge on her?” Khloe probes.
“100 per cent,” Stephanie replies. “I’m really just tired of how bad I’m feeling inside and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”
Do you want to scream? Same.
This psychology is just too warped.