Trigger warning: this post discusses rape and violence against women and may be upsetting for some readers.
Yes, forcing a woman to perform oral sex is rape. No, someone can’t consent when they are drugged or drunk. And yet it seems some people are still not clear on this.
Fifteen women have now come forward to allege they were raped by TV icon Bill Cosby at the height of his fame.
Fifteen women who all tell a frighteningly similar story: that Cosby allegedly drugged and then raped them.
The allegations span a period of more than 20 years.
None of them reported their claims to police at the time, all citing the fear they wouldn’t be believed. But when one alleged victim came forward recently, it empowered the others to tell their stories. Now 15 women have come forward, including model Janice Dickenson who yesterday alleged she too was drugged and raped by Cosby in 1982.
As an alleged Cosby victim explained, “I had heard…I was not the only girl he had drugged and raped but I never had any proof… I knew I should say something. I still felt ashamed. Ashamed that I didn’t earlier… As more and more of his rape victims have come forward, all telling similar stories, the time is right to join them”.
Of course, none of these allegations have been proven in court.
But as CNN anchor Piers Morgan quoted from Twitter this morning: “The rape allegations against Bill Cosby are a classic case of he said/she she she she she she she she she she she she she she said.”
Not all reporters have taken this approach. This week, CNN’s Don Lemon, a seasoned reporter, interviewed alleged Cosby rape survivor Joan Tarshis.
A former actress, music industry publicist and journalist, Tarshis’ alleges that Cosby drugged and assaulted her on two occasions in 1969. She recalls that on the first occasion, Cosby made her a drink and then she began to feel hazy:
“The next thing I remember was coming to on his couch while being undressed. Through the haze I thought I was being clever when I told him I had an infection and he would catch it and his wife would know he had sex with someone. But he just found another orifice to use. I was sickened by what was happening to me and shocked that this man I had idolized was now raping me. Of course I told no one.”
Incredibly, during his interview of Tarshis, Lemon suggested that she should have bitten Cosby’s penis in order to stop the attack, saying “you know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you didn’t want to do it.”
With that one sentence, Lemon highlighted why so many rapes go unreported and why so many survivors are scared to tell their stories. It also demonstrates why we need to keep talking about what rape is and what constitutes consent.
The interview went like this:
DON LEMON: Can I ask you this, because — and please, I don’t mean to be crude, okay?
JOAN TARSHIS: Yeah.
LEMON: Because I know some of you — and you said this last night, that he — you lied to him and said “I have an infection, and if you rape me, or if you do — if you have intercourse with me, then you will probably get it and give it to your wife.”
TARSHIS: Right.
LEMON: And you said he made you perform oral sex.
TARSHIS: Right.
LEMON: You — you know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you didn’t want to do it.
TARSHIS: Oh. Um, I was kind of stoned at the time, and quite honestly, that didn’t even enter my mind. Now I wish it would have.
LEMON: Right. Meaning the using of the teeth, right?
TARSHIS: Yes, that’s what I’m thinking you’re –
LEMON: As a weapon.
TARSHIS: Yeah, I didn’t even think of it.
LEMON: Biting. So, um —
TARSHIS: Ouch.
LEMON: Yes. I had to ask. I mean, it is, yeah.
TARSHIS: Yes. No, it didn’t cross my mind.
Lemon has now apologised for this line of questioning, saying, “if my question to her struck anyone as offensive, I am sorry, as that certainly was not my intention.”
Lemon also said: “As I am a victim myself [of a paedophile when he was child], I would never want to suggest that any victim could have prevented a rape. If my question to her struck anyone as insensitive, I am sorry as that certainly was not my intention.”