
My house is haunted and I don’t believe in ghosts.
I used to joke about it. I used to blame “the ghost” when things went missing or suddenly broke. I even used to chat to it. I’d pick at chicken in the fridge door and explain why it was okay for me to be eating at midnight.
“Hello ghost,” I would say. “I had a really light lunch so…”
But ever since my mother gave me this new painting… things have gotten weird. Paranormal Activity level weird.
I decided I needed to do something. I needed to get rid of the ghost.

HOW TO GET RID OF A GHOST THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IS REALLY A GHOST.
Step One: Remove All Spooky Objects.
The painting was the first thing to go. I banished it... or I told mum it was freaky as all hell and she took it away. Case closed.
I also threw out the earring my ex-girlfriend left at my house. I literally threw it out my window. My neighbour, standing downstairs, yelped when I did it.
I didn't check to see if it hit him. Case (and window) closed.
Except the hauntings continued....

Top Comments
Next time instead of trying to burn crushed up herbs from the pantry, clip off a whole stalk of sage and rosemary, let it dry then wrap cotton around the stalk, so you end up with a cigar or 'joint' shape, then burn, you won't have to break a lighter.