The countdown is on my fellow Melburnians! Twelve more sleeps until SCHOOL IS BACK!
On such a momentous occasion I felt the need to recap my own remote learning journey.
Let’s travel back to the beginning.
It's March 2020 in Melbourne and we are staring into an impending sh*tstorm. People smelling the oncoming sh*t have decided the logical thing to do is to immediately hoard toilet paper and panic buy rice.
Ben Lee’s 'We’re All In This Together' is the soundtrack of the moment and there is a general sense of blind optimism in the air.
That is, until I receive this text - three words that chill me to my core.
"Schools are closing."
I assumed my friend (also a teacher) sent this as a joke. I pictured her swivelling around in a chair stroking a white cat and laughing maniacally.
My first response was, "No!"
How you homeschool your kids, according to your horoscope. Post continues below.
Which was quickly followed by: "Sorry? What? For how long? Look, is there a website I can find to inform me exactly how long?! I love my four children, after all I'm not a monster... I'm more than happy to be permanently in their presence, because you know, all the love. But just wondering if someone could give me an exact idea OF HOW LONG?!?! "
After extensive phone calls and googling things like, "how long do global pandemics last",it was established there was no end date in sight.
I calmly proceeded to the laundry to grab my emergency hidden chocolate stash from the empty detergent box. I then sat in a pile of dirty washing and ate the entire (unfairly named) 'FAMILY size' block whilst listening to Adele and ugly crying.
Adequately fueled with sugar and cursing the fact I used precious toilet paper to mop up my tears, I went to tell my children the news.
They began to circle the room chanting, "NO MORE SCHOOL! NO MORE SCHOOL!"
There seemed to be a Lord of the Flies vibe entering the house. It suddenly dawned on me how severely outnumbered I was. I smiled at them with my mouth as my eyes were desperately sending a distress signal to my husband across the room. S.O.S. NEED. MORE. CHOCOLATE. AND. WINE.