Are you feeling comfortable in your relationship? It might not be a good thing.

The following is an excerpt from Understanding Modern Spirituality by Inna Segal which can be purchased here.

While most of us are taught to strive for comfort our whole lives, when we actually examine the times we have felt comfortable as opposed to challenge, we can easily determine that comfort leads to complacency, boredom and stagnation. You can see that clearly in every area of life.

If your physical health is good, then you have no incentive to learn about how to eat healthy, look after your body or understand the impact your thoughts and feelings have on your health. Thus, in your comfort you are likely to mistreat your body until it eventually becomes ill.

Why comfort can lead to stagnation.

In our intimate relationships, most of us desire a profound connection, understanding, sensitivity, love and a feeling of belonging. Many of us start from a place of neediness and some sense of brokenness, giving to each other what we have been missing and searching for. However, that phase can only last so long. After a few years many people become comfortable in their relationships, even if there are major challenges and aspects of the relationship where they are not connecting, listening, understanding or supporting each other. They become comfortable in what they know, yet lack of growth creates stagnation and a profound inner dissatisfaction. So of course, as time goes on, if we don’t put in the deep work, we notice less loving warmth and more coldness in our intimate life with another.

Rather than two individuals who are constantly growing, evolving, refining and inspiring each other, we stay together because it’s easier, we have kids, we don’t want to be alone, we don’t know how to make money, and so on. And more than anything we are terrified to let go of our comfort and open ourselves to something new. People then wonder why there are so many who are being unfaithful or why there is so much divorce.


Profound trust in any relationship awakens when you are willing to go beyond comfort and open your heart and soul to another, showing them all your broken bits and then taking full responsibility for yourself and your willingness to transform as opposed to wallowing in your misfortune. Most of us are both afraid and desperate to witness growth in each other, which can awaken deeper layers of love, understanding and appreciation, yet we are not taught to value our connections with others.

What we are taught to value is money, recognition, success and most of all comfort – and of course in comfort we usually take things for granted. All these things in themselves can be very helpful, as long as one is also willing to continually evolve.

Think about your career – if you have to do the same thing over and over again with nothing new that challenges or inspires you, eventually your inner being will become tense, hardened and complacent and you will end up spending much of your time complaining.

Our soul can grow through wisdom, compassion and love as well as through trials and tribulations.

We need to ask ourselves: which part of our soul is attracted only to pleasure and comfort? From my exploration, it comes from our lower, astral, materialistic nature.

When you truly understand the cycle of incarnation, you realise that ill fortune needs to be met with the same sense of appreciation as one would meet good fortune. Because so-called ill fortune, if seen correctly, could be leading you to good fortune.

If I want to avoid things that hurt me then I’m unknowingly saying to myself, I’m okay with my weaknesses and imperfections. Whereas every time I meet a challenge and an obstacle and I grow in humility, forgiveness and selfless love, then I’ve overcome an old weakness of mine.


So, every day, month and year I get to work on deeper aspects of my soul, evolving to higher possibilities as opposed to having to repeat the same old painful lessons.

When you truly think into the possibility of evolution, it changes your soul and how you are inspired to live.

A new point of view could be to be open to and accepting of discomfort, as it’s what offers us the deepest opportunity to grow, and also be grateful for when you are comfortable, knowing that both are temporary.

This is not an easy teaching but it’s the one that, if truly grasped, can lead to much expansion, a polishing of our inner diamond and a revelation of higher wisdom.

Transformational steps.

What aspect of your life have you put into the too-hard basket? How does this shadow part limit you from being all of you and thus hold you back?

How willing are you to embrace all of you in order to fully live your soul’s destiny?

I encourage you to do the shadow process at the end of this book for at least a month in order to embrace more of who you truly are.

Inna Segal is a bestselling, award-winning author of several books and cards on wellness and healing. Her new book, Understanding Modern Spirituality (Rockpool Publishing $29.99), is now available where all books are sold and online here.

Featured Image: Canva.