I resisted becoming a coffee drinker for a long time. I just didn’t understand why coffee, for a lot of people, was a mandatory inclusion in the day.
Then I had children. Now I am ‘one of them’.
It started slowly. The occasional kickstarter after a big night soon became a necessity for me to ‘adult’ properly.
Coffee drinking just kind of takes over. One day you’re sniffing a rare Moccona and the next, you’re giving death stares to the man-bunned hipster who’s over extracting your beans.
Here are some realities every coffee addict knows to be true:
1. Without fail, every birthday or Christmas someone will give you a coffee related present. Usually a novelty mug.
Check out some other horrible presents the team have received. Post continues after the video.
2. Despite knowing full well that it tastes like luke warm cat piss, you will still hand over your money for a vending machine coffee in times of need. Any coffee is better than no coffee.
3. You know the exact locations of the cafes around your house who serve decent coffee. And their hours of business. And when the staff take holidays.
4. Your family knows not to talk to you until you’re at least three quarters of the way through your first cup of the day.
5. Your kids have wised up and know exactly when to approach you for something if they’re going to get the answer they want. It’s somewhere between sip four or five on the second cup of caffeinated goodness.
6. The day you found out about a cafe that does text orders and drive up service you swear you heard angels singing.
7. You start to get nervous about 11am because you know if you don’t get your snout into a coffee soon you’ll be dealing with a monumental headache.
8. One time you decided to kick the habit. By lunchtime, you’d offended everyone you care about in some way and hurled unnecessary abuse at strangers.
9. Coffee is a must before any big meeting or event. It’s your personal cup of pep talk.
10. Coffee smelling candles are the goods.
11. You’re scared to tally up the amount of money you’ve spent on coffee this year but likely it’s more than food.
12. You silently judge people who say they don’t drink coffee.
13. You know that a weak or half strength coffee is a waste of everyone’s time.
14. Decaf is a joke that you just don’t get.
15. You own a keep cup. It’s your way of apologising to the environment for all your coffee consumption.
16. International roast is a dirty word and is designed for people you hate.
How do you take your coffee?