Last night, when I got out of the shower, I realised that I had allowed the hair on my legs to grow so long that my towel alone was not enough to dry them.
That was how I found myself, at 11:45pm, standing completely naked in the middle of my room while I bent over and blow-dried my legs.
I think we can all agree that exact moment was the peak of my ‘sexy’ single life.
It reminded me of that episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie Bradshaw writes about her ‘Secret Single Behaviours’. Carrie’s biggest secret single thing was standing in her kitchen once a month, while she put jam on crackers and read Vogue from start to finish (GASP! SHAME!)
Now, Sex and the City is hardly a realistic marker of single life, but as I stood in my room, hairdryer in hand and freshly dried legs, I realised that Carrie and Co. had completely messed up the concept of Secret Single Behaviours. Standing in the kitchen reading Vogue and eating crackers sounds so freaking classy I think I’d even do it with people over.
Which got me to thinking:
Do glossy ‘Secret Single Behaviours’ even exist? Isn’t it time we talk about our ‘Realistic Secret Single Behaviours’?
The end-game of my sexy single life was me holding a hairdryer to my legs, while I wondered if my new-found trick would also save me from having to do that butt-floss manoeuvre with my towel (it did). I sure as hell have never mopped the house while wearing undies and a cropped tee – a cute little blob of bubbles perfectly positioned on my carefree nose while I sing along to Katy Perry (any movie with a single lady in it ever).
I have sat on the couch in my undies, drinking wine straight from the bottle while I wipe my potato gem fingers on my boob.
That’s one of the bonuses of being single – you get to behave in ways that other people can only dream of, and all in total secret. It’s amazing, and one of the only things that can be rubbed in the faces of coupled-up friends.
Some of my Realistic Secret Single Behaviours include:
– Taking my laptop to the toilet so I can keep watching TV while I do my business.