Before kids I was always so amazed by mums. They seemed to have it all together. Sure, they would tell their kids off, but they seemed to have everything so in control. They had their mummy sh*t together.
I’m almost at the 10-month mark of being a mum. Let me tell you, what happens on the outside is a very different world to what happens on the inside.
Listen: Holly Wainwright and Andrew Daddo ask their kids to give them a performance review, on This Glorious Mess. Post continues after audio…
While I may say one thing to my 10 month old as I find her drenched in water from the dog bowl, what I’m thinking… well, it isn’t very appropriate for a 10 month old.
I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’m sure I’m not the only one who says the following things (to my daughter and my nieces) but thinks something entirely different. (Warning: it wouldn’t be the truth if there weren’t a few F bombs coming.)
"What I’m thinking… well, it isn’t very appropriate for a 10 month old." Image: supplied.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” (said at 3am).
Just close your eyes. It’s not rocket science. Anyone can sleep. Even you.
“I’m counting to five…”
Let’s be honest. I have no idea what happens when I reach five, I just hope the number five scares the living daylights out of you and you do whatever I’ve asked you to do for the past 20 minutes.
“Yummy, yummy, foodie.”
The recipe said babies LOVED this puree. I bought the ingredients. Organic. I peeled, chopped and steamed. I pureed, I froze, I defrosted. Eat the God damn food kid. It’s yummy. See, I’ll taste it. Oh my God, what is this sh*t?
“No, not the dog’s food.”
So you’ll eat the dog’s food but not the sh*t I cook like a slave for you?
Trouble makers. Image: iStock.