Last week, there was not one single physical altercation and we all felt weird about it.
But tonight is the finale, and the promos have promised us legitimate assault in a public space, which may or may not result in someone being arrested. Someone definitely needs to get arrested.
We begin with Athena undergoing hypnosis to discover who she was in a past life (obviously). “Hypnosis takes you to a place where you are not conscious but also not unconscious,” Athena tells us, and nothing in the universe has ever made less sense than that sentence.
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Hypnotherapist Kathryn, who makes money off reuniting people with their former selves, does things with crystals/random neon lights etc., until Athena yells, “YUCKOVOS” in an unspecified accent.
In a past life, you see, Athena was a man named Yuckovos. The year was 1793, and he was married to Katia. Katia then ran off with her/his best friend and Athena is holding on to that pain. When asked if that person exists in her present life, Athena says, “O’Niel… Nicole O’Niel,” and wtf is actually going on right now.
They play crazy clown music, because obviously.
She decides not to broach the issue with Nicole, because you cannot sit down with someone and discuss how they f*cked you over in a past life. That is not a thing you can do. It is literally like getting mad at someone because they were a dick to you in your dream last night.
Matty decides to catch up with her friend Christa Billich for some champagne at 10am.
Christa has two items on the agenda, a) Matty is invited to her dogs wedding and b) she now has a designer vagina and very much wants to talk about it.
"It's the smiling Mona Lisa," she explains, and we just... how... do vaginas smile? Which... part? Maybe if you were like side on, but still surely it would be more of a soft smirk. Matty asks if it hurt, and Christa says it was actually quite nice, and she thinks she had an orgasm.