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“I’m so sick of seeing perfect house tours. Here’s what my house actually looks like.”

As a bonafide nosey parker, I froth over a house tour

I watch endless amounts of YouTube ‘New York Apartment Tours’, love a good Grand Designs marathon and even go to house inspections on the weekend even though I’m approximately $1 million dollars away from being able to afford anything.

And why? Because looking into people’s houses is a pervy dream. You get such a strong sense of who a person is by what items they decide to surround themselves with that I reckon a house tour is heaps more revealing than an extensive Instagram stalk. 

But there’s just one teeny tiny flaw with house tours: They are quite often, complete bullsh**t.

Even Chrissy Teigen (AKA the queen of relatability) only gives a perfectly-polished house tour. Post continues after video.


Video via Vogue.

You see no one shares an intimate look into their home on laundry day when there are miscellaneous socks thrown about the place, or when you’ve refused to do the dishes for four days. We only ever show the best.

And I’m a mahoosive hypocrite on this front. I did a ‘Share Your Space’ post on Mamamia and flaunted my freshly tidied and even hoovered home, showcasing my s**tty flat in the best, shiniest form.

Putting my best flat forward. The DECEIT of it. Image: Mamamia.  But this is not what it looks like 89.9 per cent of the time. 

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In fact, here's just one corner of my bedroom that had become overridden with Christmas boxes, wrapping paper dregs and bags of crap. 

My apartment right now. Image: Supplied. 

I feel like sharing these photos is like admitting a dirty little secret, but it bloody shouldn’t, because we are all like this. Every single one of us. Maybe except Gwyneth Paltrow

For this reason, I literally beamed with joy when I saw fellow Mamamia gal Kelly McCarren share her s**thole of a home too. 

Kelly, who lives in a new-ish two-bedroom apartment in Sydney, often shares snippets of her home, cats and wardrobe on Instagram, but in this weird twilight zone between Christmas and New Year, she decided to bless us with a full house tour.

You see Kelly, like me, is pissed off with the falsehood of these gleaming house tours. She even opens her video with, “I just watched the most picture perfect, beautifully styled, amazing home tour on YouTube I’ve potentially ever seen and I just thought F**K THAT.”

Much needed slices of reality. Image: Instagram. 

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“No one’s house actually looks like that. No real person has a house that’s immaculately beautiful, really clean and styled because you can afford a bunch of interior decorators. Agggh. Suck my dick.”

I’m right there with you, Kelly. 

She then graced us with the tour, which featured (in no particular order) the following:

  • A random bra hanging on a door knob
  • 12 toilet rolls lying on the floor
  • A fake tan-stained couch
  • Countless dead plants
  • A towel bra that she decided was useless six months ago
  • A plastic bag bin
  • A lone g-string half-tucked under aforementioned tan-couch.

My personal favourite moment was when we were walked into “the clusterf**k room” which featured a half eaten bowl of tuna on the floor.

And you know what, it was bloody refreshing.

Because we all live like this, to at least a relatively sloppy degree. 

So, can we please make a worldwide pact that we share more of the chaos, more of the mess, more of the tuna on the floor, because seeing that other people are just as disorganised, disgusting and downright lazy as myself is so goddamn beautiful to me.

Now, while you're in the zone, have a listen to Kelly get real about beauty on Mamamia's You Beauty podcast, where she discusses all things dry brushing.

Feature Image: Mamamia.