The night mum died was both surreal and yet, perfectly expected. I’m not really sure that can make sense unless you’ve watched someone actually stop being, right there in front of you. It’s both terrifying and also an unbelievable privilege.
My mum died of cancer. It took hold of her suddenly, savagely and left us without her in our lives before we even had the chance to digest what was happening. We are not unique, she having cancer is not unique, cancer itself is not unique. But Betty Clarke herself was unique. And I’m only just starting to understand this now.
I focused so much on her illness back at the time that I rarely wrote about her as a person. I still don’t feel like I have asked enough questions, knew enough about her childhood beyond what I can piece together with her scarce voiced recollections and photos. I did though, know what she was like as a mother.
I don’t know exactly what happened in those 40 or so years before I was in her life and this is my biggest regret. I guess I always thought I had more time to request these details. What annoys me most about myself is that I am constantly telling anyone who will listen that “I just love to know people’s stories”, yet the one person who gave me the best chance at mine, I didn’t even bother to learn.
So here is a list of questions I wished I’d taken the time to ask.
1. Can I have the recipe?
Top Comments
My whole family has been torn apart...it all revolves around my 'mum' not protecting me and my sister from her father. This was a 20 yr secrect even thou I did try doing the cry for help thing in my teen yrs...turns out her dad had abused her too. What mother does that to her own children. We were left at our grandparents every 2nd weekend just so my olds could go out. Turns out she didn't want our dad knowing. How messed up is that. Its all done a number on our family. Feeling sad, angry. ..yet strong e nuf to get by. Now my 1st born (shes 13) lives with her dad. She puts up on her fb page that im the crappy parent. So hurt from this comment as n e mother would be. Shes singing praises of her step 'mum'. Im truley having one hell of a shity day.
For a long time I had all my photos stored on my computer - until the computer died and I lost them all. Now I make a point of printing our pics and putting them in albums for my daughters as they love looking at them. Reading everyone's comments has spurred me into action and I have started writing a letter each for my daughters, to be given to them when they're older. These 10 questions are a great starting point.