lifestyle

This giant puppy-sized spider will haunt your dreams.

“South American Goliath Birdeater.”

That is the name of the world’s largest spider species (and the creature that will no doubt eventually kill us all).

It’s the size of a small puppy, has massive fangs and a photographer in the Guyana rainforest actually got close enough to capture it on film. Good luck sleeping tonight:

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Piotr Naskrecki wrote on his blog that he just casually stumbled across the horrifying star of your nightmares while trekking through the rainforest:

“A few years ago I was deep in the rainforest of Guyana… when I heard the rustle of an animal running. I could clearly hear its hard feet hitting the ground and dry leaves crumbling under its weight. I pressed the switch and pointed the light at the source of the sound, expecting to see a small mammal, a possum, a rat maybe. And at first this is what I thought I saw – a big, hairy animal, the size of a rodent.”

Naskrecki goes on to explain that Goliath birdeaters don’t actually eat birds – but only because they can’t catch them in the air (and let’s be honest – if these things could fly humans would have given up years ago). Their massive fangs are capable of breaking through the skull of small animals, and the one that Naskrecki spent some quality time with actually attacked him:

“Every time I got too close to the birdeater it would do three things. First, the spider would start rubbing its hind legs against the hairy abdomen. “Oh, how cute!”, I thought when I first saw this adorable behavior, until a cloud of urticating hair hit my eyeballs, and made me itch and cry for several days. If that wasn’t enough, the arachnid would rear its front legs and open its enormous fangs, capable of puncturing a mouse’s skull, and tried to jab me with the pointy implements. The venom of a birdeater is not deadly to humans but, in combination with massive puncture wounds the fangs were capable of inflicting, it was definitely something to be avoided.”

“Definitely something to be avoided.” YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY.

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Check out more photos on Piotr Naskrecki’s blog here, or ruin any chance you have of sleeping tonight and watch this video here:

NOPE.

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