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dee dee January 21, 2022

So a very divisive topic. 

    If you get into the government department of home affairs it makes the rules very clear about who can come to Australia . Eligibility to enter Australia is under  the remit of the federal government . If you then go to the West Australian Government  website and look up travel into WA under Covid you will more info.
International arrivals now do 7 days hotel and 7 days quarantine  at home.
        I haven’t seen my parents or sister( overseas)  for 3 years. My kids haven’t seen either sets of grandparents for 3 and 5 years respectively. During this period my daughter has had two massive operations . She wants my mum more than I do .
It is what it is. If my daughter ,who is 11 ,gets Covid she will become severely  unwell at the very least of it. 
   As a parent who has spent an enormous part of their child’s life in hospital and therapy and whatever else . Who has seen their child oxygenated, intubated  and resuscitated I would not wish this on 
anyone. .  
     Covid is a bloody horrible disease that can see you healthy one minute and dead a week later. It is a painful, isolated death .  You can minimalise it  all you want but over 5 million people world wide have died from it . And for those of you using the UK as an example of living with Covid over 170000 people have died.   Read the stories of people whose lost loved ones when Bojo et al were having parties at Downing Street. What’s going on in the Uk is more to do with the Tories trying to save their bacon than any realistic health measures.Has everybody forgotten the funeral pyres  on the Ganges  last year?
     As for Australia how many people have died in Australia since the coalition in NSW decided to let it rip? If Omicron is so mild why are more people dying? 
      Statistically more people have it so percentage wise it’s not too bad right ? What about the families and friends if people who have died? How do they feel about statistics ? Or people whose deaths are explained as having underlying conditions  , therefore justifiable? My daughter has underlying conditions  , would this make it inevitable?
 That  Omicron is mild narrative is baseless . It might be less severe than Delta but it is a disease than can still kill people. Young healthy people too.
     You want to get angry ? Get angry at Covid.
You want to blame a government ? Blame governments around the world that place profits over people . That have seen the endless encroaching on the natural world while the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.  Get angry at all forms of media that produce stories for click bait  and cause sedition  and dissent for bloody hits.
   How can people compare this to the plight of refugees? They have struggled for years and years with no hope in hell, no legal home and no rights. 
 You will get back into WA. Most likely this year. The hope will be that you will be able to return without the worry of an overwhelmed health system, lack of movement and a collapsed economy. 
    Also the Omicron variant only became prevalent in Australia since December . You remember December ? When NSW opened up on Dec 15th , everything , at exactly the same time and it all went to shit from there?
Only to try and backtrack furiously when it was far too late. You know ? Where Sydney nurses are protesting because they aren’t not supported , have had their holidays cancelled in their entirety , cannot cope and where they’re utterly exhausted? Or perhaps SA where the poor paramedics are over run and people are waiting hours and hours for help. Where ambulances sit empty because these frontline workers have Covid. 
Or where people who have Covid are being told to return to work if they are not symptomatic,  thereby infecting more people , then more people get  laid off and so it goes . Or the supply chain of big supermarkets  being disrupted from paddock to plate.  What about adblue? That’s on the horizon too.
       We are in the middle of a global pandemic with a disease that is wily , unpredictable and deadly . Covid is a deadly disease.
    Part of health funding from states comes from the federal government . Vaccine and rat distribution, from the federal government . You can rail against McGowan but it’s the federal government spending  billions on AUKUS for example ,whilst simultaneously pissing off the French. Who put off getting vaccination deals  and rat tests?
It wasn’t McGowan who slipped off to a different state for the weekend , defying lockdown or who had a family fact finding mission in Cornwall .  He has stayed in WA. His parents are over east too.
     I miss my mum with an ache . Same for my sister and my dad , who has  been seriously unwell. My kids paternal grandma has cancer . lt sucks , all of it. The distance, the wait, not being able to make any plans at all.
     The McGowan government has consistently dealt with the pandemic to the best of their ability and if that means we open up in a staggered way that doesn’t overwhelm the health care system or cause businesses to shut down whilst minimising the risk of death than this can only be a good thing.
   Look at the lengths taken to avoid Covid entering Tonga. They have just suffered a volcanic  eruption and a tsunami. They are in need of fresh water and food. The planes sent with aid from Australia and NZ had a 90 minute turnaround with no human contact
        It is surreal, debilitating, causes mental anguish and anxiety . Nobody knows what is going to happen and the very thing that helps, human contact, a meal with friends , hugs , going to the cinema , literally could cause you to become seriously unwell and die .  This is not the fault of any one person .
And for anyone who thinks everyone in wa is leaping around, cheerful and  smug, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t got friends of family overseas or interstate . The worry is always there like a pall . A constant, niggling dread at the back of the mind.  


dee dee January 18, 2022

It’s funny how we can justify what a ‘nice guy’ is. 

Not helping out , sleeping away the weekends , forgotten birthday and Christmas presents, explaining every financial purchase ( gosh I so looked forward to our Sunday night credit card bill discussions) .  Bordering on financial abuse right there .
       Being a respectful, kind and supportive partner is the minimum you should expect from a relationship. In the  most realistic shit- gets -hard -sometimes kind of way. 
   For the last 6 years since I left my ex this I too explained it away by saying he’s a nice guy just a shit husband . Wanting to minimise the impact on our kids  I tangled myself  up in knots trying to make it ‘ok’.
   It does get better. Know your truth .  It’s been hard, messy , frustrating, debilitating, heartbreaking, scary , financially hard and demeaning.It has bought up feelings I didn’t think I was capable of.
But it has also been liberating, in all aspects of my life. 
I have never once regretted leaving him. No matter how hard it has been it has always been the right decision(. And  as soon as we split I got rid of my credit card).

dee dee January 10, 2022

        The Australian government has had enough time to deal with this current outbreak in the best manner it could. 

     They can’t mitigate all circumstances but the federal government and nsw government has allowed this current situation to occur through sheer mismanagement and appropriate preventative measures. 
      It was always had the potential to be bad but it did not have to be this bad . Letting it rip indeed! ScoMo telling people not to get tested if not symptomatic but to go to the beach or read a book under a tree. Really? What about the frontline and healthcare workers ? Essential industry , hospitality workers? What about people who are vulnerable , live with a disability , aged, experiencing dv? Beach and a book?
        The situation with Djokovic has been used as a displacement for the serious bungling going on.
   I feel for people who cannot return to Australia but this has managed to pass through.
      I also question how much power tennis Australia was given in providing exemptions.
There is a disconnect here somewhere . The information on Covid status and vaccination was made perfectly clear to tennis Australia well before this whole thing erupted yet they still provided an exemption for Djokovic. It all feels a bit sneaky , no one will notice , he’s the world no 1 .
        I reserve my anger and frustration, helplessness and disgust ,in this situation, for the way in which refugees in this country and offshore are treated. It is appalling that for a lot of people they only became aware of refugees’ plight because of Djokovic.
         I also find it abhorrent that people who are pro Djokovic are disgusted by his treatment at the hands of the Aus government . And are feeling free to expound their theories on social media , Kyrgios to start.
It is completely tone deaf and the whole row over it misses the point. 
       Australia’s treatment of its refugees is horrendous .it has been for a really really long time. Successive governments have compounded the previous’ mistakes and inhumane treatment . Seriously in what go other government department would it be ok to take 9 years to process an application or paperwork? ( unless you’re a pro tennis player in which case it’s a matter of days).
    If people want to be embarrassed about the government than be bloody embarrassed and ashamed about this. Australian Refugee Action Network

dee dee January 6, 2022

@westernista sometimes things in life are beyond our control. You are right in that  How we deal with it is up to us. 

    However some people are less equipped physically, mentally and financially to deal.
Equity ,in that everyone has a similar starting point ,would go some way to redress the balance.
        We rely in Australia on our government to provide decent ,basic ,free healthcare and sound guidance. 
       We elect our officials  in order to run the country to the best of their abilities.
The wilful neglect shown by the federal coalition government in the handling of the pandemic has been shocking. The last minute rush for vaccinations, rats and infrastructure to support frontline and healthcare workers, has shown a complete lack of foresight and a dangerous level of paternalism and disregard for medical advice .
          We have no say in spending on health budgets, distribution of  tests, import of vaccines , border policy. Hence the elected government. 
      We need  people  with your attitude during times like this to help the more disadvantaged and vulnerable members of society.  To face the sun and remind us that this will pass .
      I think for a lot of people though  just being heard can sometimes be enough.
        Having acknowledgement that this hard, scary and frustrating . 
      Being told that how you are feeling is completely normal in an abnormal situation can go a long way to assuage the level of helplessness and uncertainty that a lot of us feel.
       These are unprecedented times. You can’t plan for every eventuality  but our government. ( state and fed , esp in NSW) blithely careening ahead , regardless of the fallout has been like watching an episode of the twilight zone.
You can’t make something over just by wishing it so.
      For a lot of people their lives  were already  challenging enough. Their resilience and fortitude has waned . Perhaps your life has been challenging and you’ve found the strength to deal with it. And if this is the case then it is wonderful because it gives the rest of us the Inspo and the hope that we can face this and deal with it.

dee dee January 6, 2022

 Thankyou for sharing your story.

    Sent this article to my darling twin in the u.k. She is working and has been living with our folks for 3 years, shielding and helping as our dad has been very ill. Her son lives with me and my kids and our aim n life is to see everyone again ( when safe and sensible to do so).
   She is a can do kind of gal. Empathetic, patient and sensible. She has a great sense of perspective and cares about the world .
She works for a conservation charity and is a firm believer in brisk walks and fresh air.
     The other day tho when we spoke she was done in. Fed up and couldn’t see he point in anything. They are all boostered but cancelled Christmas plans and going to my 
cousin’s wedding in order to shield our dad.
      They haven’t left their county in 3 years .
My sister always says that’s really lucky compared to most but the exhaustion has done her in.
    Anyways this was her response 
( verbatim):

That’s brilliant Weezie, thankyou 😷🤗 & the comments too. We all feel the same & it’s really nice to read it articulated so well.

“This year, we didn't get one. Instead, those of us lucky enough to have a few weeks off have had our jobs replaced with the 'personal responsibility' of managing the mental load of a global pandemic.”

Went to EPM today & masked up, lots of open windows (& torrential rain) , four visitors in total & it felt fine. Good to out & about & feeling more the thing.


dee dee January 5, 2022

Well said .

dianatin January 1, 2022

“ I Capture The Castle” by Dodie Smith

mamamia-user-9981380 December 21, 2021

You are very brave for sharing your story.

   Unfortunately this is often the case with coercive control that because it is so hard to prove .
    It is too easy for this kind of abuse to be dismissed by a narrative that places the emphasis on the woman’s (mostly ) mental health . Which then places he onus on the woman thereby compounding the trauma.

        The book “ Victory Against Verbal Abuse” by Patricia Evans was the first thing I read that helped me understand that my feelings were valid , that I was not going crazy and I was not moaning or ‘making a fuss’.
         It discusses forms of coercive control, manipulation and how verbal abuse can affect you and strategies to deal with it for yourself .
     Of course seeing a specialist counsellor/ psychologist helps but as you have pointed out f you get somebody ( if at all) who doesn’t understand these issues it invalidates your experience and can re traumatise you. 

This quote below helped me validate my feelings realising that I was not alone ,
 “‘ I was always second- guessing everything I did. So I felt like an incompetent child.’
It’s the erosion of self esteem which renders the victim powerless in the relationship, which is ultimately what the perpetrator wants.

‘ When you make your partner feel inadequate, hopeless and worthless, they get depressed and lose a sense of who they are, which makes it incredibly hard to free themselves from the abuse’”.

        Good luck for the future . Hold hard to your truth . You are not alone .

mamamia-user-9981380 December 19, 2021

Thanks for this article.

Especially about how much school is missed .
My saying is we’re not exactly at home, lying on the sofa eating bon bons ( tho does sound a pleasant way to spend a day 🤔).

My teenage boy has inattentive adhd and anxiety also . Tho academically he has always done really well  which is why we all missed it for so long. 
     The overwhelm of school and the exhaustion that followed meant school refusal / resistance was/is his norm.
With the help of a wonderful school psychologist( appreciate how lucky we are) the aim for next year is to literally just show up. If he can get to school then it’s a successful day .
   It feels so counterintuitive to send your kid to school knowing how hard it is for them and  how crap it makes them feel. Whilst being reassured by all the medical and mental health professionals that this is the
Right thing to do. By jingies it’s difficult tho.
   I have always praised him for the effort not the outcome . All I really want for him is to be comfortable in his own skin. 

mamamia-user-9981380 December 15, 2021

Mmhmm. Husband feels ‘trapped’ so drinks.

Gets divorced and the urge to drink leaves.
Husband not only not taking responsibility for his behaviour but publicly decries his ex wife … indirectly blaming ex wife on drinking problem …
     Does husband also blame wife for completely- crap- midlife- crises- tattoo with overt symbolism? 

mamamia-user-9981380 December 5, 2021

     I think EAs and teachers are some of the most under-appreciated people , under resourced and underpaid considering the amount of time, effort and energy that goes into the job.

     Both of my kids schools, high school and ,primary, are supportive and go above and beyond.  
       Especially for daughter who has CP.
I tell my daughter’s EA that she is integral to our day to day living. Her teacher ,as well, is fantastic and supportive .
    As for my teenage son, he has found the last two years really difficult ( as have a lot of high school students) , the support network at the school has been amazing with kindness and empathy and practical advice.
 Especially while we are in a pandemic with the difficulties teachers and EAs face …
   Just know that , for what it’s worth, that there a lot of parents out there whand appreciate you, who see who their kids are
 ( warts and all). Also that you will be ‘that’ teacher who the kids will talk about and remember fondly as an adult(Mr. Barrat, Mrs.Ashleigh-Jones, Mrs.Ife & Ms.Speranza).
   Let’s not forget Ms. Banovich who taught her year 5 class ( in 1985 😳) fractions using a chocolate cake .

mamamia-user-9981380 November 26, 2021

This is really hard . Especially setting boundaries. 

I think the comment about gen xers having a more liberal parenting style is true too.
   I’m learning that I can set boundaries for my teenage boy who is having mental health issues.  Fear , of what he might do, and empathy  for how he’s feeling have been driving factors for me with him.
           In my experience as a teenager and a young adult  I was suffering with terrible mental health issues my self  and my parents probably saved my life. Their door was always open and their patience with me was amazing . A fact I have appreciated more and more since I’ve become a parent.
 Knowing that I had their love, acceptance and support has been a saving grace in my life. 
      There is a fine line between this and enabling tho.
However I have issues with idea of enabling as it  still places the onus of a person’s recovery ( from whatever it may be) on said loved one, family member etc.
It also places a huge amount of guilt on the helper at hand. Because while you are helping you are also being told that’s wrong .
I think it is an empathetic impulse to want to help those we care about about ( especially our children ) .Anyone who has been in this position knows you can’t ‘fix’ a person. 

I believe that there are some people n the world who need a bit more help than others. Who struggle with some things that come easily to others.
It is also put into the context of what makes a successful human.

If expectation is weighed upon them by themselves and society that they have no hope of meeting then disappoint and struggle will always ensue.

You are 100% right about taking care of yourself and your mental health. It’s very hard to gain perspective and  be there if it has been a case of lurching from one crises to the next.

Thankyou for posting about this and your honesty . Nobody knows what you’ve been through  and, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re being harsh.
There are no definitive answers, I do not have a definitive view. Just  a shed load of thinking, reading and therapy ( fortunately).

mamamia-user-9981380 August 31, 2020

This👆. Sat and watched this with my 9 year old girl , who has Cerebral Palsy. While Mum was crying into her cuppa, my daughter stared planning her Paralympic career

 ( running) 💖. Hope & kindness.