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darkervoid88 November 26, 2020

This is kind of a classic disconnect, and, from a male perspective, I find it as hard to even remotely understand your perspective on this as you find it to understand your husband's. Sexual pleasure and release is, literally, the greatest possible physical pleasure, bringing with it a relief and clarity unmatched by anything other than possibly the use of recreational drugs like heroine. I can't imagine placing such an experience on a rung BELOW reading a book or getting a facial. 'Transcendent, life-affirming euphoria? No thanks, I just want to read my book.' Women never appear more like actual alien beings to me than when I hear that kind of thinking. I just can't imagine being so painfully indifferent to sex and sexual pleasure.

At least you could see that he was trying to offer you something for stress relief and relaxation. I think it's lovely that he's trying to give you easier, faster, more reliable access to sexual release, and I think it kind of sucks that it offended you so much. Like, what message does that send? That the pursuit of sexual pleasure and excitement is offensive to you, and his attempt to offer it to you shows that he doesn't understand you or your interests. He's likely trying to reconnect and relight some kind of new spark in the bedroom, and you're actively angry at him for doing so and telling him that he doesn't understand what you want. The guy must be utterly crest fallen.

I dunno. If you were just bemused by it, had a wee laugh about it, and opted never to use it, I think that would be totally fine. I would do the exact same if my wife bought me a fleshlight, or whatever they're called. But it's the offense and the anger about this that seems so off to me. Bearing in mind how much he probably wants, even needs, to see you as being a sexual person, your reaction to this will have been a big old bucket of ice water on such a perception.

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