We live in a very sin sick world with sin sick parents and sin sick children. Marriages are not fairy tales, and when trouble comes the parents - being self centered sin sick narcissists that we all are, all lick their own wounds. Telling the children things against the other parent when the child is too young to process the information may be from bitterness and manipulation, or just plain ignorance of an overwhelmed heart broken spouse with no adult to lean on. In the end the child is hurt. 

If the parent leaves that relationship there will be constant strife and discontent. If the parent stays in a “toxic” aka sin sick marriage there will be strife and conflict. 

Hard times come and go, and all parents are not rich. Maybe the child doesn’t get a new car because Mom is just poor— years later the trauma on her adult child reigns and reeks havoc on the adult child. It is a horrible and sad mess! 

Here is the solution: love. The only way to forgive my Dad and Mom was love. I looked over all my Dads faults and blamed my Mom, until I found myself walking in her shoes with three children of my own. I CHOSE to love my Mom and see the good in her and I am glad I did- but it took me a while. 

Now I reap what I sowed. It breaks my heart that my grandchildren are being taught how to treat grandparents by their Mom and Dads all over the country. It is rampant. The single corn seed grows into a stalk and each EAR OF CORN on the stalk bears a multitude of seeds. Oh that I had planted less weeds with my own mother!  I own that I failed to give grace to my Mom and taught my children how I should be treated as they saw me and my Mama. Now I reap. I own that I was not a good Mama, that I was self absorbed. I do not deserve to be in their life, yet I beg God for grace, and hope against hope to wake up from this bad dream. I miss them so bad - the shame is nothing… I can bear that—it is the grief and sorrow I cannot bear. My heart feel like it will explode because I want to pour my love on them, but there is no place for met love to flow now. It dwells in my tear troughs. It rolls suddenly like a river in the least expected moments. I try to text or call and I am rejected. The tears start and I cannot stop them. I have to be careful to call when I am not going to be in a meeting at work that day. I see toys the grands used to play with… they were here everyday - but the past caught up with my girls like a wolf on the hunt and I was torn away. What can I do? Send a gift! No- they hate that I try to buy their affection. I can show up? Not wanted. I cry? No, they are sick of my narcissistic drama. What can I do? Pray. Pray and pray and I can cry out for mercy, “Come quickly Lord Jesus!” I beg God to not hold this on their account. I wronged them in the first place. I should have handled life with more skill back - in the day! I could not focus and it made them remember the worst. The toxic relationship choices I made put me here, cut off by my own choice. I failed, not my babies- oh Father forgive them for they know not what they do!! I am the guilty one! I am the problem!