User Comments

sd July 27, 2020

I didn’t realise how abusive my relationship with my ex was until after it ended. Everything was very normalised, I thought I was the problem. For example: to access child support funds, i was told direct debit wouldn’t work for him, it kept bouncing back, so he gave me a handy card. That if I did anything wrong he would say I stole it. That I needed to ask in advance if it was okay to get that money. I would text, and wait sometimes days for a reply before I could access it. He would changed the pin code every time, so I would have to ask each time for a new one, it’s how I had confirmation it was okay. One of his exes after they split and she had realised who he was, she told me to go backs and look at the PIN numbers because they all corresponded  to words, they were all defamatory names he use to call me. He told people I would make him pay double - to this day I get less than what he was required because He threatened to leave the country and not pay a cent, and so I just do what I need to do to get by. 

Samantha Meeuwissen February 4, 2017

I hope that you manage to read this. I suffered from an eating disorder and body dysmorphia from age 8. I was already a very skinny child. And it took many years to conquer it.
I had a daughter when I was 20. I was genuinely worried about how I could prevent those negative thoughts and never said negative things about myself and I said till failed, at 8 she said she was fat. I felt sick. I asked why she thought that, and it was her stomach, based on advertisments etc
It didn't matter what I did, she compared herself to imagery around her. Its more worrying that girls are worrying about this prior to puberty,when their body's will change and get shape which could make them even more self concious.
I went online and scoured tryibg to find what i could do to help her. And I found one piece of advice that has changed everything. Start talking about healthy and strong. I would comment about how strong her arms were etc. And that our bellies get bigger because we have to put food in to them, otherwise we would have no fuel for our brains and bodies....

Samantha Meeuwissen May 17, 2016

Also not a feminist based on the new wave of feminism, because I too raise a son and a daughter, and I too see the inequality that both sexes face. Yes, both.
I have a female friend whom has failed units in her honours, has a credit average in her undergrad, in engineering at a prestigious university but was offered a master's, because she was a female, all the males needed a 85 average. Equality doesn't work when hard work should be the deciding factor. People should never be handed something simply because of their sex.
I have overheard a conversation whilst at uni, of this woman talking about claiming rape on an ex because he cheated on her, it sickens me, that one someone can do this, and how one lie will ruin someone.
It angers me when I hear of females tricking their boyfriends to get pregnant, and once that happens a guy is trapped, they have no out, no option, that is appalling.
It angers me that my mother abused my disabled father, but turned around and claimed domestic violence and won full custody. It angers me that this was okay, noone asked myself or my siblings.
I don't agree with how feminism affects the world, its all great to fight for equality, but equality is about wanting the same, but the reality is both sexes face difficulties, both different (such as how modern education is geared towards the way that females learn and yet their is no shift to change this, even though less males are getting to uni etc etc).

Samantha Meeuwissen May 1, 2016

Firstly this is so so wrong. It is not okay for anyone to do this to anyone.
Secondly, I experinced punishments by the hand of my mother as a child alike this, including the shaving of my head on one occasion. I wasn't a bad child though. These acts not only scared me, I felt violated, stripped of feminity and shamed. I had no control of the situation. And people seem to think this is an okay form of punishment for a child however.
I reiterate, no one should ever do this to anyone, no one has the right to threaten or violate someones bodily integrity.

Samantha Meeuwissen December 21, 2014

In my honest opinion I think she is much more attractive than all the people you listed. I don't really like her music either! She is quirky as heck, has a cute dress sense, doesn't take herself too seriously, and enjoys life - beauty on the inside and out!

Samantha Meeuwissen September 9, 2014

What I find really interesting is all the comments about doona's and blankets...In the US (and other countries) they dont use the term doona, as it is a brand, alike Esky, Breville, Bandaid etc (Australians have a knack for using the brand name of the item as its actual name). The name used is duvet and some just call it a blanket.

Samantha Meeuwissen September 7, 2014

Hmm. My mum is a 50 year old organic-juice-drinking-frugal-living nut and does not dye her hair and has thick dark brown hair and not a strand of grey. My grandmother had grey hair start coming in her early 60s and when she passed away only had spots of it on the side and front and this was in her mid 70s. My grandfather became more grey but still retained dark brown hair til his mid 80s. None of them used hair dye, they were all stingy with money so even getting a hair cut was considered a large expense.
However my boyfriend, started getting grey hairs in his early 20's.

Samantha Meeuwissen September 2, 2014

I thought this was bad taste, but a handful of students and my children's schools book week parade were dressed as the main character, Hazel, in The Fault In Our Stars. I was horrified on two counts, these children were in grade three (some older) but that book is not age appropriate due to sexual references, but also because dressing up, wearing a wig and cannula, pretending to have cancer is insensitive. This was a moment to teach Children that that is not acceptable. Two parents and child, that I was aware of, attended the parade, and were undergoing cancer treatment.
I recognise that the book week parade is about capturing the fun of reading, and on a less serious level, analysing characters, as some are only described in print, but that's not okay.

Samantha Meeuwissen August 25, 2014

I am smaller than her, had a partner pretty much the same height. Both children were born term (37 weeks) and were small (2.8kg and 2.88kg, 48cm and 50cm). Also I had a "natural" birth. Height of parents are not predictors on size of a newborn. Saying it is perpetuates fear to first time mums.

Samantha Meeuwissen August 25, 2014

Want to add to this it's the same for guys, a guy can not be raped unless penetrated...yes...you read that right, unless they are penetrated...pretty ridiculous, rape is when anyone pushes anyone forces someone to have sex with someone.

Samantha Meeuwissen August 24, 2014

I know of three mothers who naturally conceived in their late 40's - should they have gotten an abortion because they were too old?? What the heck. I know lots of father whom have had children way past the age of 50. Stop the judging.

Samantha Meeuwissen August 9, 2014

It's not just men who don't get it, you would be surprised how many times I have heard a lesbian say, you can't be bisexual, it's one or the other. I find that bisexuality isn't quite as accepted on both sides of the fence. Kind of wish the whole needing to label someone's sexuality was just thrown out of the window. And people just go, 'oh you love people, I love people too...'

Samantha Meeuwissen August 4, 2014

wow, this is also an ignorant comment. I was heavily involved in dance, loved it and 'breathed it', pretty much wanted every moment of my life to be about it. Had many friends try out for the Australian Ballet academy, told they were not the right shape, and to seek out a dietician. Girls as young as 12 were seeing a dietician to loose weight 'healthily'. They were already small girls, that had to be 'smaller'. I use the term healthily so loosely, as an environment that is concerned with lean strong and delicate bodies, yet also based on seeing dieticians, obsessing over what they ate - to the point that these girls would literally calorie count, and some mums would document what their daughters ate, is a environment where eating disorders would flourish? I don't say ALL experiences are like this, but girls who are naturally more curvy are not considered the ideal shape for long term success in ballet, and these girls are aware of it. Some of the most talented girls I have ever met, artistic and dedicated were told outright, you need to loose weight, that's not right. No one should be told that, especially at adolescence UNLESS it's detrimental to your health.

Samantha Meeuwissen August 4, 2014

But would that not also be an argument for pro-choice?

Samantha Meeuwissen July 30, 2014

I found the whole it'll last for weeks thing a bit of far stretched, as did other mothers from my mothers group. It was s concession it horrid in the first week, dies down to being like a normal (albeit quite extended) period for the second-fourth week.
I used cheapo underwear I bought from kmart, did the trick.

But my maternity bras were a nightmare. It has always been hard to find one that fit, apparently they don;t come in a size 8, and when you get a small fitting 10, your hard pressed to find a 10E -.- So I ended up with two horridly ugly bras that felt uncomfortable, that I just went back to using normal bras.

Samantha Meeuwissen July 29, 2014

Umm you are greatly confused, "Feminsim has given men the right to seek custody?" Using Feminist Theory under Patriarchy:
"Men don't get custody because women are seen as the child carers." But that is wrong, before the Tender Years Doctrine (created by a feminist), men got sole custody.

Warning: Wall of text.

If feminism is for equality, explain this:

Father’s rights group want shared parenting (equal custody) to be the default if both parents want custody and neither parent is unfit. They feel that men should not be punished for being men, and that women should not be awarded custody to their kids simply for being women. Currently women are awarded primary custody almost all the time, even if the husband was the stay-at-home Dad and the woman was the breadwinner.

Feminists fought against this. You can read NOW’s own statement http://web.archive.org/web/.... Also note their usage of anti-male lies, i.e. “fathers are abusive, don’t give them custody.” That is from 1997, but still remains valid today.

Men want protection against false rape allegations. They feel that a man’s life should not be ruined simply on the allegation of a woman who may be a vindictive liar. Currently, a woman can accuse a man of rape for no reason, and the man’s name is splashed in the paper and his life is ruined. So, they fought for laws granting men anonymity until charged with the crime of rape—not convicted, just charged.

Feminists fought against this (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/u..., causing it to fail. Also see here (http://londonfeministnetwor..., the London Feminist Network campaigning to defeat the proposal.

“The London Feminist Network is a campaigning organisation uniting London based feminist groups and individuals in activism.”

Men want an end to the justice system favouring women simply because they are women, and giving men harsher sentences simply because they are men.

Feminists fought against this(http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/u..., arguing that no woman should be sent to jail, even women who had murdered multiple people(http://www.standard.co.uk/n....

Men want equal treatment when victims of domestic violence, and to not be arrested for the crime of “being male” under primary aggressor policies.

Feminists fought against this (http://pubpages.unh.edu/~ma... trying to suppress evidence showing that half of domestic violence is done by women, by threatening the researchers with bomb threats, death threats, etc. Modern, younger feminists are doing it as well (http://imgur.com/aob5k)

And sadly, they were successful in this effort of propaganda. For decades, and continuing today, violent men are (rightfully) convicted and punished by the state, while violent women are left to freely terrorize and harm their partners.

The feminist definition of domestic violence has skewed arrest and prosecution philosophies, resulting primarily in having only male batterers criminally pursued. (http://www.law.fsu.edu/jour...

Men want female rapists to be arrested, charged, and convicted with rape. In Western countries, women are rarely punished when raping men, due to the biased legal system. In some countries, women cannot be punished when raping men, since rape is defined as a male-perpetrated crime.

Feminists fought against this in India (http://www.firstpost.com/in..., arguing that “there is a physicality [in] rape” and that it would make things “more complicated for judges.”

Feminists fought against this in Israel (http://www.jpost.com/Israel..., claiming that changing the law would result in men filing false rape claims.

Men don’t want to be thrown in jail because they lost their jobs and temporarily cannot pay child support.

Feminists fought against this (http://rinow.org/legislativ..., trying to lower the amount to $5000 before a man is guilty of a felony for not paying child support. If a man loses a decent-paying job, he will now be a felon, go to jail, lose his right to vote, AND be unable to find future jobs—if he cannot regain an equal-paying job within a few months.

Men want equal economic support and help from the government. When the recession hit, male-dominated fields like construction lost millions of jobs, while female-fields like education and healthcare gained jobs. So the government proposed an economic stimulus for those fields.

Feminists successfully fought against this (http://www.weeklystandard.c..., arguing that it was discrimination to support men, and caused the government to give money to women who didn’t deserve it. Hundreds of professional feminists complained against the “sexism” of helping men (who had lost jobs) and not women (who had gained jobs).

A representative of the Michigan National Organization for Women testified in opposition to the Revocation of Paternity Act (http://www.legislature.mi.g..., which stopped the old law which stated that if a woman was married and cheated on her husband, the resulting child is considered to be legally the husband’s and the biological father had no legal rights to fight for custody or parenting time with his biological child.

As you can see, the claim that feminism fight for men’s rights is a blatant lie. Don’t believe any feminists that say that. Feminists fight for women’s rights. That is a good thing. Feminists also are happy to harm men’s rights, as shown above. That is a bad thing. Feminism is about female privilege, not equality.

Some may argue that these cases of feminists harming men is not “representative” of feminism. I ask you: Are there any cases of feminists helping men? No. Yet, there are many cases of feminists harming men.

And guess what? Feminists are doing those things.

Samantha Meeuwissen July 24, 2014

I love this so much, whilst it may be a shock, its a reality that many people live lives that are alien to them, that are not true to who they are.
Also as Ruby Rose has stated she is gender fluid, which I really like that someone has come out and said this also. There is quite a bit of emphasis on gender and sexuality, and that these roles must be defined. I think I quite like the concept of gender role transcendence.

Samantha Meeuwissen July 23, 2014

I suppose the more shocking this is, whilst we notice these sizes are off, and in most cases too big, where can smaller women go shopping, I know plenty of females who are naturally much smaller than me (an 8)?

Samantha Meeuwissen July 22, 2014

Rachel,

I understand what you are seeing but I see the feminist movement as the cause of greater inequalities:

1. Education being geared towards females and not males.
2. The definition of rape causing male rape victims to be silenced - no longer raped but sexually assaulted.
3. little to no support for homeless males in the US due to a feminist movements.
4. Female prisoners whom have children in the UK allowed to serve their sentence at home, while men who are fathers, are not allowed to because women are the main caregiver. Feminist movement.
5. when ever there is an issue with anything, its cause of patriarchy:
a) less women judges: sexism, patriarchy. But no, its because less woman went into that field of study/work, and thus imbalanced, and as there is now an equal split, that will change in due course. But no this sort of rational thinking is not taken into place, people rather than being judged on merit, are now given positions based on sex.
b) The wage gap isn't as bad as people say - this one really irks me. Due to societal view, woman are seen as child bearers, but also should be able to return to work at the same pay scale etc (no issue here), they may have to refresh their skills etc (no issues here), but when a male whom has had the same career path, no time off gets the job, its patriarchy. Or that it is shown over and over that males work longer hours, will work over time, than the female counterpart in the same roles, same qualifications, but when they earn more, nope not okay. It actually balances out. But this issue of the glass ceiling, would be made better IF we stopped viewing men in the way they are, stopped raising our sons to work hard, provide for family (it still very much exists), and changed the way both males and females are viewed, who cares who works, hard work from either side of the fence SHOULD be encouraged and rewarded.

I can't just stand for women, or 'fight' for women, because I am a mother of a daughter and a son. I fight for males and females, gay and straight, and bisexual, transgende, and also something not often looked at young and old (Children are often seen as not equal to an adult). I don't care what someone's background is, we are all here together, we should all be equal.

Samantha Meeuwissen July 16, 2014

Honestly, I don't believe in smacking. My parents did it to me, I didn't learn better from, I learned right from in spite of it. Smacking actually taught me to lie better, and avoid punishment all together. What is missing is respect, mutual respect. Firm rules. Firm boundaries. Active and proactive parenting. Encouraging empathy.

Natural Consequences: Let them fall (not seriously). If they climb a tree, don't just take them down, teach them that what goes up must come down, natural consequence. Things you learn on your own stick with you for much longer.

Empathy: I can not state how imperative this is. Simple empathy for younger children - a toddler who hits: act out pain, ask for a hug, ask to "kiss it better", and do the same when it happens to them (respect), for older children explain situations from the other point of view.

Firm clear rules: a few very solid rules, with no wiggle room. Keep them positive: instead of 'no hitting', 'be nice'. Other simple rules, "Be tidy", "Help others." Seems silly, but children as young as two will pick up on very simply rules. You have to be very firm with these. And remember you are a role model, practice what you preach.

Active and proactive parenting: you can not always be there, but when you are be present. A lot of children have attention seeking behaviour. Sometimes it may mean you have to take a step back and think, and see what can be changed - don't stop the symptom, stop the cause.

Respect: This sounds silly, but we really need to respect our children, just as we respect another person. Mutual respect.

And please know whilst I am against smacking, it is your choice how you parent your child, but be mindful, hitting a child in anger teaches them to also hit out, it will not work. There was only very interesting study into smacking, and it showed that African American families were the ONLY ethnicity to have a positive reaction to smacking in a large majority to children, in modern day America. This was because the parents never hit out of anger, they were calm, they did it under the guise of discipline and not punishment. They would ALWAYS discuss the behaviour or incident that warranted this sort of intervention with the child, and discuss ways to 'behave' better.