As someone who was born solely to be their sister’s guaranteed friend I can tell you this messed with my head. We are very close but when we had fights I would feel guilty that I wasn’t doing my ‘job’ right. And my sister never felt like she had to be my friend in return, she knew I would be there for her but it wasn’t always the same for me. Yes it’s nice to have kids who are friends but maybe don’t tell them that they were only wanted to be your other kid’s friend.
I’m 5 months into a very difficult pregnancy and at least once a week someone asks me if I’m planning on having more kids after this one. It was a miracle for me to even get pregnant and my husband and I are grateful to just be having a baby in the first place. I hated this question while going through fertility issues and I hate it now that I’m pregnant.
I understand how you feel, the constant fight between being half white and for me half Māori. I am lighter and like you that gives me privilege however it also means I am forced to justify my skin tone to white people, some people seem to believe they have a right to judge how Māori I am based on how dark my skin tone is. And like you I am forced to listen to racist conversations because my friends forget that I am half Māori. But I feel it is my duty to have the conversations my darker skinned cousins will never be included on, so I take every opportunity I am given to educate people on why the words they say have impact to someone of colour. It’s not about tearing apart other people’s opinions but educating each other on the differences in our culture and history, and acknowledging that we should all do better.