@tcarlyg the point of this story was that having a stay at home parent doesn't come with a rule book. It can mean working weird hours and having both mother and father staying at home. Some of these arrangements achieved a full time equivalent and some achieved more than a single income by working non-standard hours. It sounds like you have a pretty firm stay at home mother stereotype in your head and that's why this story displeases you. 

@meisrach I wrote this article. I researched it extensively. CCTV is not mandatory in Australian childcare and it could have aided in the earlier detection of this sex offender. I’m not claiming it is a solution to all sex offences, but it is a deterrent and it it worth regulatory bodies investigating whether it should be mandatory. Why are you so opposed to implementing CCTV in childcare centres? 

@SEB there is a lack of economic modelling that’s true. But I think it’s a pretty big claim to say there is no value in parent care. It’s not just about the kids, it’s about the increased stress and problems that arise (sickness) when both parents are in paid work. Nordic regions seem to benefit from policies that better support caregivers such as lengthy parental leave and large carers leave entitlements. You’re only looking at the bottom line when the well-being of the community also greatly affects productivity in the short and long term. There is a substantial amount of research, large high quality meta analysis, about the impacts of early and extensive childcare but I’m not sure you really want to read it. Let me know I can send you the links.

@rosiecat thanks for this suggestion we will look into it!

@snorks we pay for people’s choices to use childcare. They are making a paid economic contribution, yes, but the whole market economy is underpinned by unpaid labour. If we consider unpaid care work a valuable contribution - both parents working in some capacity whether it is paid or unpaid - we should see equitable tax and policy treatment of single and dual income families. So, support of both paid and unpaid contributions. 

@SEB thanks for your insights. Would we say that there is zero value in a parent providing the care of their children? As you say the economic modelling is lacking but could there be long term benefits measurable in health outcomes? If there is no benefit then it makes it hard to justify paid parental leave or any parental supports. 

Thanks so much for this - it's great to understand different situations. And I really appreciate you sharing these views respectfully. It's reassuring to hear that in your experience these things don't seem to have much of an impact later in life.

Thanks for sharing these views - I really appreciate discussion. I thought maybe you didn't read the whole article though as the main thrust of my article was sharing my journey of realisation that I could, in fact, not be a good parent and have my life carry on exactly as it was before. So the whole post was about getting my head out of the sand. Maybe that seems a stupid realisation, but I think in many ways, we are encouraged to carry on as we were before, back to work and pressure to get baby sleeping through so we can go back to normal. I think your points about living life and including the kids are really important. And yes, everyone has bills to pay, us included. I do realise this. I buy new clothes when I get paid from my freelance jobs, as opposed to going to second hand stores. I do buy sustainable and ethical labels which cost more, perhaps this is irresponsible given our situation and I should by second hand at all time. I pretty sure I'm not the only woman who buys one pair of nice sunglasses a year, but maybe I am out of touch. We no longer own iPhones as they cost thousands of dollars, we're not in a position to own a home at the moment so we don't have a mortgage. I think 'financial necessity' means different things to different people. But I am enjoying the different views. Thank you.

These are such great points, thanks for sharing Louise. I love a respectful discussion.

Thanks for sharing your views on this. Mine is a unique situation, I agree, but I am writing freelance now because I became a mother. Previously I worked for the public broadcaster full time, so I had to change things in order to stay home with my kids more. It may be difficult for me to return to work for the ABC full time after 15 years but I think it will have been worth it. I felt the research on the benefits of consistently emotional and physically available mothers was actually pretty strong. Also - I buy a pair of Persol sunnies about once a year because that's how often I lose them. A luxury I know - but I just thought I needed to give that point some perspective. I wouldn't buy them if I didn't do my freelance jobs.

I'm sorry my ideas are upsetting for you. I aim to be thought provoking not aggravating. I don't think we do move in very different circles. On one income we live off approx 50 K a year. My freelance work is between 10 - 20 K on top of that. Which means, yes, some of my spending was irresponsible, but a lot of it was spent on investing in our home, although they still weren't projects that were 100% necessary. We're also currently transitioning to reusable items in the home rather than using disposables and that can be an expensive process. Again, not 100% necessary but something we are passionate about. Neither me or my husband own an iPhone because they cost thousands of dollars to buy outright or own on a plan. We live on small property in regional NSW. I hope that helps explain more about where my thoughts are coming from.

The problem is that sometimes it's the conversations with other mums or friends that are the source of most misinformation and yet also the most influential. If we were all better informed about exactly how rare a clinical inadequate milk supply is, then maybe it wouldn't be such a big discussion point.

Even some health care providers are really misinformed around breastfeeding, and encourage supplement feeding in situations where it's not necessary. As a western, capitalist society, we really struggle with the concept of not knowing exactly how much the baby is getting - which is a huge barrier when it comes to breastfeeding because we cannot measure a feed. The constant obsessing over milk supply, even in these comments, is the reason many women doubt their supply and this is how the cessation of breastfeeding occurs. I do believe less interference, leaving the mother and baby alone, is extremely beneficial in many situations.

I don't feel insecure at all - I'm just really concerned the discourse around breastfeeding and milk supply is not conducive to improving rates of breastfeeding in Australia.