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mamamia-user-327613665 November 7, 2020


children and give them a happy home. 
Kids most need us to be there to support them through adversity, be consistently present for them, be attuned to their needs and love them unconditionally even when it's hard.  
They also need us to role model what healthy boundaries look like in relationships, and how important it is that they communicate their needs respectfully to others, but also take action to keep themselves physically and emotionally safe if someone is doing something that is hurting them or making them feel unsafe in any way. 
It sounds like you have a lot of misplaced guilt and expectations on yourself for giving your kids the childhood you wished you had, but also taking on 100% of the blame and responsibility when it hasn't gone to plan, rather than your co-parent also being accountable for this and for finding a solution that meets your children's needs while respecting yours too. 
As you said, you know what it was like to grow up seeing your parents trapped in a loveless marriage, and how much that undermined all of the other good things they worked to provide, like a stable home. I hope you can trust your instincts about the situation and set yourself free from the blame, guilt and overresponsibility that are holding you ransom ❤

mamamia-user-327613665 November 7, 2020

Thankyou for sharing your story, this sounds so awful and trapping. From an outsider's perspective who has been in a similar situation, mustered the courage after 2 years of trying to leave, and then met the love of their life within a month, I can hear how much misplaced guilt you're carrying about making the decision to leave when you know it's not healthy or meeting anyones needs. 

It sounds as if as much as your physical boundaries may be respected by your husband, your emotional boundaries and emotional needs are not being respected, and you are being emotionally manipulated into staying when you have made it clear it is not ok for you, there is no trust in response to your husband's actions breaking your trust and not meeting your emotional needs over years, and you are clear that separation is what you need to be ok emotionally. 
It sounds like you're doing your absolute best to put your children first in the situation, but its so easy to buy into the fallacy that parental separation will harm our kids and we as women have to sacrifice our own needs in order to do the best for our