I understand what you are saying, it's not easy.  My husband was not like this in the beginning but once the pregnancy began we realized finances would be very tight and then once things became more difficult he sort of checked out, he just does not know what to do and does not want to learn. He never had the example. I basically threw him in and made it a non-negotiable thing were he had to help with baby and then he would learn by default which he did but he does nothing with our child except say like one or two words to her "dinner time" he puts food in front of her and then leaves. He doesn't do activities with her, nothing. I'm left doing it all and am alone all the time. He's too afraid of making a mistake and is too anxious around her. I've wanted to file for divorce but am unable to. He is so uncomfortable all the time that he now he barely even speaks to me. He stopped even cleaning up after himself so now it's like having another child. He makes excuses and goes and finds somewhere to hide for like 6 hours a day so he doesn't have to deal with the mess and the crying. What winds up happening is the mother now has to do more than her fair share of chores, baby care, managing finances, etc, etc, driving to school, you are literally managing another person's life for them because children can not do this on their own yet, obviously. Now you have no time to breathe or take care of yourself in a relationship like this. I've literally given up my entire life because of our circumstances and the least he could do is offer to pitch in and find ways to help to take some stress off. The husband needs to grow up and get over himself. you won't get these years back.