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maree April 2, 2021

For example, when my wife and I get in an argument or something, and I hurt her feelings, I’ll bring her flowers or make a nice gesture, etc. I usually take the time to explain to my son why I did those things.

How often does he see you argue and hurt your wife's feelings? Children act what they see. All the charity in the world won't undo unkindness in the home. Maybe stop buying him stuff and work on modelling the behaviour you want to see. Explicitly teach what to say and not to say in public, children are honest to a fault unless taught how to filter.

maree March 26, 2021

@snorks sorry but a woman with kids in school, extra curriculars or teens with part time jobs does as much commuting as a full time worker in addition to her own work, domestic chores and child care. It isn't 'negligible' at all and women are telling you they won't keep putting up with it.

maree March 26, 2021

@user14 I believe there are a lot of men who aren't even aware they are abusing their partner. Who see their control, jealousy and belittling as a normal relationship. Perhaps those men won't read this but I hope their partner does and at least has her experience validated.

maree March 22, 2021

@kkdd While I see the intent of this comment I don't agree. I see this all the time -people assuming that men haven't been 'trained' properly as teens. Basically that is just saying that men don't contribute fairly because a woman (mum) didn't do a good enough job! Somehow we Blame women yet again for male behaviour. Let's not.

If he is a contributing member of society his mother did a good enough job of raising him. His inability to feed a damn dog is on him.

Also, I'm a mother of boys. I make them do chores. Is there a chance they will fall into patriarchal patterns as adults -of course there is. We are kidding ourselves if we smugly think our sons won't do these things, the evidence says otherwise.

maree September 19, 2020

Oh honey, goodness. Please be kind to yourself. You had an injury. You couldn't walk your garbage out to the bins so you left it neatly in a pile on the floor (bagged!). Some bugs got in. You cleaned it up. It is all ok. This is not life-changing stuff for either you or your daughter. This is one of those things that happens sometimes. People don't talk about it because they don't want to be judged but it happens, I promise. I have found maggots in my kitchen bin. I sprayed them out with the garden hose and rinsed with some dettol.

I feel like this might be more about anxiety than anything else. But if this is helpful to someone else then good. Thank you for sharing an honest mothering story!

maree July 27, 2020

You are very brave sharing this story and I hope that it helps others.

You haven't failed as a mother. Drugs can come and take children from any family. The people criticising you are lucky and don't even have the grace to acknowledge it. It is very easy to be a parent until you are in a situation yourself.

You will get through this one step at a time, rely on the services that you are linked with (I know they are inadequate and difficult to access), they aren't a magic bullet but they can help you and your other kids to cope with this situation.

Being a good mum doesn't guarantee perfect kids or an easy road and we should all remember that because we don't know what is around the corner.

Bless you and thank you. xxx.

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