User Comments

maree November 24, 2021

List of rich kids from the 80s:

Tuckshop, buying drinks, going to the movies, McDonalds birthday party, mums who wore stockings to school pickup, two cars, in-ground pool, toys with batteries!!

maree November 3, 2021

The problem with the show is it assumes we parent in a vacuum. Our parenting is less about style choices and more about how we were parented, how much money we have, education, access to services, whether or kids(or us) have disabilities and heaps more factors. This show assumes we just choose to behave in a certain way and we all get the outcomes we deserve. 

maree September 29, 2021

@snorks but why must the onus be on women? Do you have such a low opinion of men?

maree September 6, 2021

I'm glad this is being talked about. I'm concerned though that the mother in this example probably did all of the suggested things but still had a trauma inducing experience. The change has to come from the medical profession, not from birthing women. 

maree August 16, 2021

I hear every word of this. Xx

maree July 27, 2021

I have a vibrating watch alarm set 15 minutes before my audio alarm on my phone. This doesn't wake me up but it brings me out of deep sleep so I'm a lot less groggy. Game changer to wake with a clear head!

Also, agree that a good morning starts with a reasonable bed time the night before. 

maree June 28, 2021

I don't know how to reconcile this with the articles we see regularly here saying "why didn't anyone tell me x" and "what you aren't told about y".

I don't think I've every heard the type of hyperbole the author is describing but yeah, I was grateful to the woman who suggested adult diapers to me after my birth  prolapse because it was bloody helpful advice! 

maree June 23, 2021

Wow... $800 is a lot!
My kids have all had a birthday party or two ( we do one at about age 6 and 10) and I haven't spent more than $60 on them.  We do a party at the park (one with a good bike track for the 10 year olds), make a cake from the Women's Weekly book and serve normal party food that I make at home.  I invite families and they tend to bring a plate and their bikes or scooters.  You don't need gift bags or decorations to have a nice afternoon.
I suspect if you are running in circles where this kind of spending is normal then you are in fact better off than you think.  Do what makes you happy but remember you are setting a precedent now and kid's expectations grow as they get older - they don't scale back!

maree June 21, 2021

Oh honey, I am so sorry that this happened to you.  You are such a strong woman to care for a newborn baby while experiencing this pain and trauma.  I believe you. 

I wonder sometimes - when is a metoo movement coming for birth trauma?  I have heard too many stories over the years.  At some point this has to end. My second birth casts a shadow that I still carry (in the form of an anxiety disorder) 13 years later. How does this happen in a modern healthcare system? (and I don't mean why is birth risky or why do bad things happen - I mean how can they still be acting without consent/ still be belittling women/ still be treating them as though they don't have the right to agency).

maree June 17, 2021

Is there any peer reviewed research into this disorder? Can you point me to it?

maree May 29, 2021

I have had good experiences with playgroups (yes even when babe is too young!), breastfeeding association morning teas, MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) and baby story time at the library.  I have also made friends joining committees (kindy committee was great!) and volunteering at playgroups for women who are learning English - both of which let you bring bub with you.  You have to put your self out there.

maree May 26, 2021

As a woman with pelvic prolapse I am horrified by a woman lifting weights in a deep squat during pregnancy. I worked out happily before pregnancy and then during was pushed by my PT to do some exercises such as leg lifts and deep squat challenges. My ob felt this probably was a major contributor to my birth injury (I have no other risk factors). I need surgical repair. 

If I had my time over I wouldn't take the risk. 

maree April 29, 2021

Thank you for this article.  My son has ASD and is an incredibly picky eater (and sleeper and clothes wearer and...and...and).

If I had a dollar for everyone who told me he would eat if he was hungry enough.  Those people don't know that some kids have altered bodily awareness and just don't feel hunger (or for my son cold).  He was losing weight and undernourished and still not asking for food.  He has to be reminded to eat, even fun foods. 

I got help from a multi-disciplinary feeding clinic at a major hospital (who knew there were such things?) I access by zoom as I'm rural.  Best of luck to everyone in the same situation - you are not alone and this isn't your fault!

maree April 2, 2021

For example, when my wife and I get in an argument or something, and I hurt her feelings, I’ll bring her flowers or make a nice gesture, etc. I usually take the time to explain to my son why I did those things.

How often does he see you argue and hurt your wife's feelings? Children act what they see. All the charity in the world won't undo unkindness in the home. Maybe stop buying him stuff and work on modelling the behaviour you want to see. Explicitly teach what to say and not to say in public, children are honest to a fault unless taught how to filter. 

maree March 26, 2021

@snorks sorry but a woman with kids in school, extra curriculars or teens with part time jobs does as much commuting as a full time worker in addition to her own work, domestic chores and child care. It isn't 'negligible' at all and women are telling you they won't keep putting up with it.

maree March 26, 2021

@user14 I believe there are a lot of men who aren't even aware they are abusing their partner. Who see their control, jealousy and belittling as a normal relationship. Perhaps those men won't read this but I hope their partner does and at least has her experience validated. 

maree March 22, 2021

@kkdd While I see the intent of this comment I don't agree. I see this all the time -people assuming that men haven't been 'trained' properly as teens. Basically that is just saying that men don't contribute fairly because a woman (mum) didn't do a good enough job! Somehow we Blame women yet again for male behaviour. Let's not. 

If he is a contributing member of society his mother did a good enough job of raising him. His inability to feed a damn dog is on him. 
Also, I'm a mother of boys. I make them do chores. Is there a chance they will fall into patriarchal patterns as adults -of course there is. We are kidding ourselves if we smugly think our sons won't do these things, the evidence says otherwise. 

maree September 19, 2020

Oh honey, goodness.  Please be kind to yourself.  You had an injury.  You couldn't walk your garbage out to the bins so you left it neatly in a pile on the floor (bagged!). Some bugs got in.  You cleaned it up.  It is all ok.  This is not life-changing stuff for either you or your daughter.  This is one of those things that happens sometimes.  People don't talk about it because they don't want to be judged but it happens, I promise.  I have found maggots in my kitchen bin.  I sprayed them out with the garden hose and rinsed with some dettol. 

I feel like this might be more about anxiety than anything else.  But if this is helpful to someone else then good.  Thank you for sharing an honest mothering story! 

maree July 27, 2020

You are very brave sharing this story and I hope that it helps others. 

You haven't failed as a mother.  Drugs can come and take children from any family.  The people criticising you are lucky and don't even have the grace to acknowledge it.  It is very easy to be a parent until you are in a situation yourself. 

You will get through this one step at a time, rely on the services that you are linked with (I know they are inadequate and difficult to access), they aren't a magic bullet but they can help you and your other kids to cope with this situation. 

Being a good mum doesn't guarantee perfect kids or an easy road and we should all remember that because we don't know what is around the corner.

Bless you and thank you. xxx.