User Comments

mamamia-user-40023957 August 30, 2021

Good on you for normalising formula feeding! I was able to breastfeed both of my bubs, but I have many close friends who were not, for various reasons. I hated seeing the anguish and shame they felt. No mum should have to feel that. They are incredible mothers and formula feeding their babies was not a failing on their part - breastfeeding just wasnt the right thing for them. No one failed! Their babies are fed, loved and happy - I view that as winning on all fronts!

mamamia-user-40023957 July 18, 2021

That sounds like a trip! I hope it improves for you. I was one of those lucky people that didnt have any symptoms... I didnt know I was pregnant until 21 weeks! I only realised because my tummy randomly popped. 

I'm interested to know what you think about motherhood - my shock was that all of the things you've written above didnt apply to me in pregnancy, they applied to me in motherhood. No one told me that I might not connect with my baby straight away (it took four months for me to fully accept her) and I actually hated motherhood to start - I spent the first year or so grieving my old life. Two years in to parenthood and two kids down though, I have found my happy place and I wouldnt change motherhood for the world. I love my kids so much it hurts. It just took me a while to work out who I was as a mum, and to accept my new life.

mamamia-user-40023957 August 17, 2020

For me, the best thing about becoming a parent (other than the love you mentioned) was the growth. It’s very easy to be selfish and live your life thinking about you. I find it so challenging, transformative and really important to remember that there is more than just me in the world. Becoming a mum has made me more patient, kinder and reminds me that life isn’t all about me. Community and others needs are important too. 

mamamia-user-40023957 July 15, 2020

I think there's some useful stuff in here about dark rooms etc. but I also think it's important to remember that all babies are so different and not all will conform to  schedule, so it's ok for mums if the sleep tips don't work too.

My daughter is 14 months and still cat naps. I tried endless sleep programs and hours of resettling and eventually decided that she just doesnt need a lot of day sleep! Her night sleep is perfect - she sleeps 12 hours straight each night and has done for a while, so I think she must be getting what she needs. We do the whole routine/white noise etc. 

Patting and shooshing has also never worked for her, she screamed non-stop for the first four months of her life and is still very fiery. Anyway, I think it's great that parents have sleep coaches like this to help them out, but for me, they didn't work and I think that's ok too. Not all babies can follow a perfect routine, they are not robots, they are humans and are not perfect, so parents need to manage their expectations too.

I think you have been very fair in your article by the way! And understanding of different needs. I think parents aren't always that way though and need to not put too much pressure on themselves.

kiz May 1, 2020

I get it - the lifestyle of a couple without kids is hard to give up. I’m 33 and have a one year old. Before her I was like you - travelling a lot, dinner out most nights, social engagements very weekend, throwing everything into my career.

But since having my daughter my feeling now is that you’re never going to be truly ready for this life, even if you expect to be. Nothing can fully prepare you for motherhood! If you want kids, you just have to do it, while you’re fertile, and then adjust.

Being a mum is a complete 180 on your lifestyle - I now have to work fewer hours, I never travel, rarely go out at night, weekends are spent at the park and I’m in bed by 8pm most nights and up by 5.30am when my daughter gets up. Nothing can compare you for how hard it is.

But it’s also the most rewarding and incredible thing you’ll ever do. My thinking was that I have my whole life to travel and have fun. I only have a short window to be a mum and I didn’t want to miss it! I did need IVF due to PCOS and it took me almost three years to have a baby, so so at least get your egg count checked if you decide to wait. It won’t tell you about other fertility problems or egg quality (which was my issue - plenty of eggs, just not many good ones), but it can tell you about pcos (from a high AMH reading) or low egg count! Good luck