User Comments

ska35 March 31, 2024

This honestly makes me sad. Being single and child free could be hard and lonely but these women have turned that on its head and are enjoying life! Good on them! Do we want these women to be moping around crying at home? Why do we need to attack others for their lives. Everyone has their own battles and social media is only one version of a complete life.

ska35 November 26, 2023

It’s a big thing to have children. I have a lot of respect for people who decide it’s not for them and don’t have kids - it’s a measured decision. I have kids and love them to pieces but that was my choice. I also note that there are people in my kids’ lives that are childfree (some by choice, some not) that have been amazing loving influences in their lives.

ska35 September 28, 2023

I finished school 20 years ago but my parents were given loads of grief by others for sending me to a coed school after I was bullied for 3 years at a single sex school. My marks didn’t suffer and I was so much happier. I would also say my friends were far less socially awkward compared to the single sex school 

ska35 September 24, 2023

Disturbing and awful. Those poor women. My great grandfather died of radiation poisoning in the 20s, he was a pioneer in X-rays - we’ve often wondered if his exposure linked to the fact both his daughters (one of them my grandmother) were deaf from birth and his son was unable to have children - there was no family history of deafness in particular until my grandmother and her sister 

ska35 September 15, 2023

@mamamia-user-482898552 I agree, I don’t think that comment in itself is mean. However when it’s combined with something like I need to use my brain as the writer mentioned being told, then it becomes mean

ska35 September 13, 2023

I’m not a SAHM but I’ve noticed where people are mean about SAHMs, there’s sometimes a bit of jealousy involved. Being a parent, however you do it, at home or with paid employment is challenging (and hopefully rewarding). At the end of the day, everyone is trying to do the best they can for their families. That said, having done 2 lots of maternity leave (where I was fortunate to have a year each time), my paid job helps my mental health (as well as being financially necessary for my family), I had PPD with my second, it’s my only outlet away from my kids where I get to feel a glimpse of who I am alongside being a mum.

ska35 September 3, 2023

Beautiful and much needed article for both men and women. You do your best as a parent in a busy demanding expensive society and at the end of the day, hopefully what your kids remember is that you love them and you did your best. My dad worked late all through my childhood and yet, I remember him being a wonderful involved Dad. My mum went back to work when I was a kid. I remember her busting her guts to do it all, and she was a great mum. Now my husband and I do our best. And maybe that is enough because our kids think the coolest thing ever is visiting our offices and they absolutely know they are loved.

ska35 May 21, 2023

I’m sympathetic to the emotional challenges she faces but I’m really not sure she’s on the same level as most single parents who don’t have nannies and other help to manage bedtime, homework etc. The biggest challenge she really has is navigating an ex partner who obviously has psychological problems and protecting her kids from that.

ska35 May 9, 2023

I’m wary on the sit in the back advice- child lock is a thing and then you are stuck. 

ska35 May 3, 2023

I was shamed by doctors for not wanting to use the pill because I tend to get the more severe side effects (I did stick it out for nearly 10 years and tried 5 different types). People need to do what works for them and stop involving themselves in others health decisions. 

ska35 April 30, 2023

While I don’t personally have to manage your challenges, I’m appalled that anyone suggested your disability is token. My grandfather had a prosthetic leg and I continue to think with wonder and pride in how he managed the challenges like you in a way that people often forgot what he had to go through just to walk out the door or drive a car. That said, I remember him copping people assuming he didn’t deserve to use disabled parking etc, he handled it with more grace than I think I could have. Congratulations on your achievements in the Olympics, Australia is lucky to have athletes like you.

ska35 December 4, 2022

It’s interesting that the choice to not have children is considered selfish - I sometimes think choosing to have kids is one of the most selfish choices I’ve made. For all the challenges - and yes there are many - and for experiencing postnatal depression, my kids have also given me tremendous joy. It’s been an extraordinary gift to learn from the little people I’ve been given and to help guide them along their own journeys. (And I say this while battling one to eat the dinner I lovingly made while the other refuses a bath… and knowing I need to log back into work later)

ska35 August 24, 2022

It’s an interesting and sad comment that mum shaming comes from a desire to “win” at parenting - and one I agree with. The only times I’ve been shamed have been by those who seem to have anxiety and confidence issues in general and putting others down makes them feel better about themselves. It’s a common trait of bullies generally. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just run our own races (unless a child is genuinely in danger?)

ska35 June 21, 2022

@laura__palmer there’s no need to attack my parenting - I’m glad you were in a situation your kids were fine but not all personality types handle childcare well. I’ve met many kids whose behaviour was worse the more their parents worked. I’m not arguing for a situation of one income - I certainly couldn’t afford my mortgage if I did, but I’d like to see better answers than just let’s shove all kids in care full time and make parents work full time.

ska35 June 18, 2022

@mustlovebooks that’s awful! And yet not surprising. I just left a job because I was expected to be physically in the office from 8am-6pm and was being pressured to do more days. I’m fortunate my new role is more flexible (and there are more people there in need of flexibility be it for family, study or other reasons so it’s not viewed as a “favour”)

ska35 June 18, 2022

@cat part of my point is that our society is screwed that both parents need to work full time for economic survival (and for those that don’t need to but choose to, why have kids at all, no issue with wanting a career but kids don’t choose to be born - one parent be it male or female should step back for a period). From a personal perspective, I’ve found my kids do struggle with life the more hours I work, they are both in long daycare and their behaviour is generally worse and they are more anxious the less time they have with me or my husband (playing up for attention). There is research reflecting that some daycare is a benefit but we have nothing investigating long daycare five days a week 

ska35 June 16, 2022

There’s so much focus on getting women back into the workforce full time, I’m honestly afraid that by the time my kids have children, it will be the expectation that everyone works full time and their kids are in care 5 days a week. I don’t think this 5days of preschool a week offering really helps and I note 30 hours is part time from a business perspective  - is it really necessary to institutionalise our kids more? I’m all for free early education but not as a “we must have all parents working full time”. It’s really hard working and raising kids at the same time and not everyone has a village, I certainly don’t. I think we need to drastically rethink our work and how we view parenting - our children are also suffering from this push for both parents to “have it all”. 

ska35 February 22, 2022

Primary carers are not just stay at home parents (it’s worth stating it’s perfectly valid to not want to be one just as it is to want to be one). My husband and I have two kids, we both work and I’m listed as primary carer at the daycare (because my position is permanent therefore I get paid leave, my husband is a contractor). The daycare knows each of us equally though. All the tasks you’ve mentioned need to be done regardless of whether you work or not and modern parenting actually does demand more equal roles. Covid has further pushed this. My husband does more cooking, I do more cleaning. We have all the kids activities in a joint digital calendar which we both manage. We both balance being strict parents with being patient and fun. The 1950s model no longer works so if you don’t think you can cope with any of the chore parts of being a parent and discussing an equal parenting relationship with your partner, you may need to rethink it. I apply this equally to men. Don’t have kids if you don’t want to put the time into parenting. I write this having spent the last week caring for two small children with gastro - and my husband has equally been up all night too - projectile vomiting from a baby and a preschooler means no one gets to play at being 1950s husband.

ska35 August 7, 2021

I have 2 children - the youngest is 3.5 months. I think people have a right to child free events if they want and shouldn’t be guilted about it - children can be very disruptive and the style and tone of a function is very different with kids. Just because I find my kids delightful, doesn’t mean they are delightful to others and my friendship with others that warrants my inclusion to an event is not necessarily a friendship with my kids too.