User Comments

spiral February 2, 2024

Throughout my teenage years I was shamed for my heavy thighs and bum to the point that I went to the beach in long shorts. The worst shamer? My father, who was an olympic cyclist… with super heavy thighs. I spent most of my 20s and 30s either refusing to do fun things because my thighs were so disgusting, or refusing to eat because my thighs were so disgusting. I spent my 40s desperately trying to budge the ‘baby fat’ from my thighs and refusing to wear dresses because of “thigh rub”. In my 50s, I have become a power lifter. Finally my heavy thighs are an asset, and I hope the muscles and strength of my thighs offend people who believe in ‘legging legs’, ‘thigh gaps’, and whatever else. I will wear my leggings when I want. I will not wear spanx (or allow myself to be spanked  literally, metaphorically or in words, because of my ‘revolting’ thighs). And I wear hourglass hugging cocktail frocks and show my curvy bum off. It’s ironic that the very thing I was shamed for likely was a significant genetic gift from the person who did most of the shaming. And gave him the capacity to excel at his sport. I am angry that those body shaming words that began 45 years ago did so much damage to me. I am angrier that some people still value and promote those attitudes. I am glad my 18 year old daughter doesn’t do social media, and she and her friends are (happily) in the ‘geek’ rather than the ‘popular’ or sophisticated side of teenage life, where discussions of food are about what they enjoy eating and discussions about bodies are about being healthy and able to chase guinea pigs, ride bikes, and surf, and she chooses leggings based on the fabric, the pattern and who comfy they are… 

spiral January 24, 2024

Yes. I became extremely angry reading those ‘poor Grandparents’ stories. I have been estranged from my parents for 15 years. I bet they also don’t “understand”, and think i am a huge range of despicable things… in fact all the despicable things they accused me of as I grew up. They never said sorry, never even congratulated me on my children’s births… instead telling me that I would be a terrible mother and they would have to get custody of my babies!!! My kids are all (young) adults now. They don’t know either sets of grandparents, they have no extended family, and they do not have to go through the pain and trauma that comes with some families. I used to wish my birth family was ‘better’ or ‘normal’. But hey, they

 are awful people who do not deserve to know my kids. But, I bet they spend more time telling people they don’t know why I cut them out, than I do thinking about them. 
And my kids have had plenty of positive older people role modelling how decent people behave and treat one another. 

spiral January 9, 2024

This mirrors what happened to me and my kids when my father remarried.  I have a ‘step mother’ who told me when I was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma, “your father is too busy with his concerns to be bothered with yours….” And ever since they married, his wife never allowed me to have any one to one time or even a private telephone call with him. She is a controlling and vindictive woman; but my father, like the writer’s son, can make the decision to spend time with his family of origin if he really wants to. 

It has been especially hurtful and cruel, but my kids are adults now. They have grown up knowing that their grandparents do not care about them. But they also know that their mother does care for them. I chose to just get on with my life. 

spiral December 6, 2023

@cloudmyway 10000% Yes. 

spiral November 11, 2023

@healthglo CRPS is a particularly nasty condition. One that even baffles people trained in pain management. And the level of pain often leads sufferers to suicide. CRPS is considered to be the most painful condition known. 

It’s interesting that you query the court verdict based on lack of medical knowledge, yet you make pronouncements about a recognised therapy for CRPS; possibly without relevant medical certification. Ketamine can do wonders for the pain of CRPS in some people. And via low/slow infusion over days can make significant positive impact on their pain and their lives. 
It is not ‘crazy shit’. 
I wish ketamine helped with my CRPS. Sadly my trial infusion offered no change whatsoever. I truly hope this Netflix show and the surrounding media means better understanding of a very complex and very real, lifelong, disabling and actually crazy shit condition. 

spiral November 1, 2023

@maybemaddie maybe he *meant* that beyond the levels of hydration, drinking massive amounts of water to supposedly ‘flush toxins from the skin’ doesnt flush any more ‘toxins’ than drinking tge right amount of water /fluid to satisfy thirst and hydration??? At least that’s what my dermatologist always preaches? 

spiral November 1, 2023

My fave movie? My mini schnauzer puppy is named Buttercup. (Actual full name Princess Buttercup, Dread Puppy Roberts…) I can always tell a kindred spirit when they respond, “My name is Inigo Montoya, You killed my father Prepare to die” or “As you wish” / “Inconceivable” upon hearing me call her back from across a busy dog park. 

Amelie, Strictly Ballroom and The Unbearable Lightness of Being are notable mentions. . 

A friend named his rescue pup Ferris as a dual comment on saving beasties from the pound, but also highlighting his fave fillum. 

spiral October 20, 2023

Given that I don’t care about Taylor Swift 😱 or about celebrities generally, and I had no idea who the new boyfriend was, I am a sociologist and was interested in what could create such a full on headline. And absolutely I agree with the article. Here’s a successful woman who’s found a partner who seems like her equal and is not feeling emasculated by her success. And sadly, that’s still pretty rare. 

spiral October 18, 2023

I read the headline as meaning the awful face rash after making out with a stubbly faced person! Geez! I am so out of the het loop!!!

 My kids’ dad hasn’t been my husband for almost 20 years, but the *actual* bristles being referred to here are still clear and visceral from that time. And sure the red flag idea might not apply to *all* heterosexual long term couples, but to those of us who it is, it’s pretty full on. And yes I/we were conditioned to see any touch as a precursor to penis in vagina whether we really wanted it or not, just because sometimes any touch or intimacy was better than nothing…

spiral September 30, 2023

My mother was a poodle right down to actually being a poodle breeder…. But she dreamed of ‘running with the wolves’. I think she thought she would be their queen…. Thus, I do have some epigenetic poodle tendencies, but the earthiness of the wolf speaks more to my soul. 

I really sit somewhere between. I am a schnauzer. I can be amazingly put together when I am intentionally groomed but often just a quick wash’ll do. A tad square, but also a bit unusual. Sturdy and solid with some occasional fancy footwork. 

spiral September 26, 2023

I am a qualified primary and secondary teacher and an experienced lecturer. I left teaching and academia because of bullying in the staff room. I am autistic with ADHD, and became a teacher to support learners who were ‘different’, ‘weird’, bullied. But whilst I never had any issues in any class room, staff rooms in a number of settings were not safe spaces. Unfortunately some education ‘professionals’ are the same mean kids from the tv/movie tropes. And anyone in their sphere of influence who is different (read challenges their world view) must be bullied into submission. 

I am sorry that the OP suffered from an arse of a trainer, and I hope she was able to be credited for her study. And I am glad she complained. Not all of us are able to speak up.

spiral February 19, 2022

I have 3 children. All of them have additional needs. I regularly get grilled about why I had my second and third when my first already had a disability. My (now young adult) kids are all autistic, with a variety of comorbidities. I suspected my eldest was autistic before he was 6 months; but as a researcher and autism educator I was told (by various medical and allied health professionals) that I was just seeing things that weren’t there… 

I have 3 autistic kids, but I am often told that they “don’t look autistic”. I have become good at the “and you don’t look like an idiot” retort…. Even if it is sometimes just a silent thought. 

I have 3 autistic kids and I have been told that’s  because I am pro vaccination! Or that I should have stopped at one. Or that I am an inspiration (?) or someone so unlucky that I deserve pity. (And double no, they are not all boys!)
My kids are a handful, and there are  challenges aplenty, and they have taken my life on an unexpected trajectory… but there’s never a dull moment. And no I do not wish I had known about their diagnoses before they were born. And no if I had known, I would not have considered aborting. 
Like all families, we have our challenges. But sometimes  I hear about those kids who’s parents wouldn’t let them play with my kids because apparently autism is ‘catching’, or autistic people are ‘violent’. And (sadly) some of those kids are now in the throes of addiction, and I am happy that my kids are (just) autistic…