Excellent article. The right therapist important - shop around for someone who has considerable experience with trauma victims (childhood abuse and abusive relationships). Shop around for the right lawyer because they all say they have experience with high conflict personalities, but that is not enough. Have questions ready to probe their experience with NPD/BPD. Most lawyers give free 30 minutes consults, some give you an hour and you need to pay. It's all worth it, so see a few, get some inexpensive advice, and make the right choice. Yes, get a lawyer before you leave if you can. If not, find one straight after you get out, and don't contact your ex at all over this time. Preparing to leave is definitely the scariest part, so have your safe exit plan and be prepared to leave unexpectedly. You can do this. 

@purple.summer thanks for sharing this. I agree, coercive control isn't a male-only problem. My father was incredibly psychologically and physically abusive, and I ended up married to a coercive controller, so I know and agree that it is largely a male problem. However, women do this too. I believe you that your brothers are struggling, and I hope they find the support and strength to leave and move on with their lives. 

Thank you for writing this article! We need to see more of this information so that people do not misuse important terms that are, frankly, very serious. 

I hope you find some healing so that you don’t continue to attract these people into your life. 

Holly, you’re a legend.  

What glorious gowns! I love the volume, the layers and the rich colours. Agree that there is a lot of beige. but most of the ladies pull it off. Cara Delavigne is the standout for me. It's fun to see red carpet look again. 

This has opened my eyes to a whole new world of help in my life! I would happily have a personal assistant like this. Someone who took over my mental load - the school WhatsApp chats, the birthday presents, the enrolling in sports, carnivals, tracking of events, tracking of chores, doing online grocery shop...I would have to give up the cleaner but when I think about it, a peaceful mind is more important to me than a clean home. And cleaning is easier to delegate among husbands and kids, but the mental load, that is very hard to delegate. This should be a proper profession.