@junek Thank you so much! I just found this comment by chance. I've joined Tiktok to talk about grief and loss, and connecting with my son in Spirit and I'm planning to read out this story, so I logged in. Your comment helps me to understand that I honour Harry through my writing and my art, just in the simple act of expressing anguish and love, I keep him alive. You can find me at @artfonhf9k

@mummajen So sorry for your loss. Me too xx

@krz Thank you so much. You can read about my son and my story here on MamaMia, this is the first story https://www.mamamia.com.au/grief-loss-of-a-child/

Agree, so much agree, especially the bit about the way we might have been parented (or lack of active involvement, or even knowledge about our school lives). Both of my boys have now left school. I've had to face change and loss in a tangible sense (with the death of my elder son), and in a philosophical sense (when my younger son left school to work full-time as an apprentice). Both my boys achieved their dream jobs straight from school, and both had patchy experiences of our education system, each in their different and individual ways. Leaving school is a milestone - yes - but you're right, love goes on - and on. Love never dies, remember that, and we evolve, as parents, as mums, and as people intimately connected with the 'blood of our blood'. I used to say 'cherish every precious moment' and I still do, to new mums, because what the perspective of time (and loss) teaches us is that even the ghastly moments are special. Even when you're bored or lonely or raging because of your kid, it's ALL precious. I wouldn't change a thing.

I feel for you and I think this whole business is far more nuanced than people make out. There are a few bloggers who write on this topic and recently one posted this excellent podcast. https://notyouraveragegirl363042.wordpress.com/2022/09/08/251-what-if-you-were-the-other-woman/

Love that MamaMia is getting involved in this topic and thank you to the author for sharing. Our group Parents for Change in SA has a focus on school avoidance (school can't) as a symptom both of mental health issues and inflexible, unsuitable educational environments. As many commenters have pointed out, adequate support for all learners - especially those who are neurodiverse - is sorely lacking in the school education system. 'Our way or the highway' seems to be the motto of many schools. Our state's new Autism-friendly teachers in primary schools are a good start, but there is only one such person in that role in 'some' schools, and what about early intervention and starting the program in preschools or kindy? What about high school kids? At a time when hormones blow their world right open, neurodiverse young people often need much more support. I hope the federal senate committee on school refusal shines a light on this issue. As the author notes, the data is shocking and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Every child deserves an education and yet delivering that in a way that meets the needs of the child and their family, as well as teachers, schools and 'the system' is incredibly challenging. Blaming the parents is an age-old copout. 

Was just having this conversation last night with another 50-something woman. After becoming single in my late 40s I experienced the thrill of being single, desired and able to play around and experiment again. I was definitely driven by sexual contact in addition to emotional intimacy, but this was mainly because my partners were all hot younger men. Fast forward 6 years and my body chemistry has changed, as well as my desire. I have settled into menopause with no regrets and I'm happily, monogamously partnered. I still enjoy sex with my man, but the desire to be bonking daily has certainly subdued. I agree with some of the posters here; it's probably the natural rhythm of things for women as we age. If men are honest, it's extremely common on that side of the fence too.

Love you Holly, your words and your vulnerability.

Dear Tarrin, I have never walked in your shoes but I want to say that your writing is powerful and the emotion and reaction you're describing is palpable and relatable. I have no words of wisdom to offer but my support to you as a beautiful human.