It took us a long time to find “The One.”
This was before we relinquished the idea of spending “The Money”.
And boy, were there some doozies.
There was the $15 per hour lady who did our laundry and occasionally glanced at the children to make sure they weren’t killing each other with pencils.
There was the uni student, who squeezed us in-between her lectures, but was always, always unavailable on a Friday and Saturday night, and had a strangely husky voice on a Monday morning.
There was the young lady in her 20’s who came in smelling of incense, nose-ring intact. She let my son eat an entire jar of play doh before she blithely pulled a bulging piece out of his mouth. His tongue was blue for a week.
Natalie Bassingthwaighte talks to Mamamia about she doesn’t actually want a nanny. (Post continues after audio.)
There was the evangelist who apologised profusely for every minor mishap, who we thought was so incredibly sweet and fragile… until she had a nervous breakdown.
There was the non-English speaker who had to gesticulate wildly for us to understand that all she wanted to do was go to the bathroom. There was the nurse who was excellent in looking after our infant in every way, but left a trail of dirty towels, dishes, and empty peanut packets in her wake.
Then she arrived.
With a whiff of authority, Mary-Poppins style. She landed on our doorstep like a (very expensive) angel. Scooped up our children in her loving, energetic and capable arms, and fed them breakfast without a word.
She took them to the zoo, nursed their bruises, and attended play dates with other children. She rewarded them with frozen yoghurt after school, kissed their scrapes, and had a firm but kind disciplinary style. She was the Goldilocks of age. Not too old (still energetic), and not too young (doesn’t show up hung over). She was perfect in every way.
I’m not sure when the tables started to turn. I guess it was somewhere between “you’re doing a great job” and “OMG what would we do without you, I can’t imagine life before you came to us.”
Check out some of the most famous on-screen nannies. (Post continues after gallery.)