We need to talk about the big problem with The Parent Trap.

Excuse me, but we need to discuss a very big issue with a certain “family movie” from the 1990s.

It’s called The Parent Trap and you might remember watching it on your VHS player about five times every weekend.

It’s also quite possibly the worst.

Lemme get a bit more specific. The parents, Elizabeth James (Natasha Richardson) and Nick Parker (Dennis Quaid), are the worst.

The basic plot of the movie is Elizabeth and Nick get hitched, have twin daughters, then they decide they hate each other and get divorced. Which is fine, it would be all FINE if they didn’t do what they did next.

You see, they decide to take one daughter each and raise them on their own.

Yep, they… they… get divorced, separate their identical twins, move to different countries and just never tell their twin daughters, Hallie and Annie, about each other.


This is not a fun little thing that happens in real life. This is a serious family court issue.

To make things worse, Hallie and Annie (that’s Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan for those of you playing along at home) eventually meet and switch places, and good ole’ Elizabeth and Nick don’t even notice.

What kind of parents don’t notice when they bring a random little changeling home instead of the child they’ve been raising for the past 11 years?!?

The madness doesn’t stop there though… by the end of the movie they’ve reunited because the girls’ ‘parent-trapping’ scheme finally forced them to work through their issues.

“Now that we have time to talk, maybe we can talk about what happened between us. It’s all a little hazy now,” Nick says to Elizabeth and what the actual f**k, guys.

Talking about your feelings isn’t something that happens 11 years after you’ve divorced and irreversibly emotionally scarred your children for life. You’re supposed to do that waaaaaayyyyyy before you make an entire generation of kids sit through a movie featuring not one but TWO Lindsay Lohans.

Elizabeth and Nick, please get your s**t together, our rainy Saturday afternoons on the couch deserved better than this.

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