Why we should all spare a thought for Princess Beatrice right now.

On Tuesday, it was announced that Princess Eugenie will marry her long-term partner James Brooksbank this year.

Brooksbank proposed in front of a volcano as the sun was setting in Nicaragua earlier this month, which is a story I choose to believe isn’t real for my own wellbeing.

The Queen’s granddaughter said of the moment, “The lake was so beautiful. The light was just a special light I had never seen. I actually said this is an incredible moment, and then he popped the question, which was really surprising even though we have been together seven years.

“I was over the moon.

“[It was a] complete surprise. But it was the perfect moment, we couldn’t be happier.”


LISTEN: Speaking of Royals, Vanessa Kirby tells us what it was like playing Princess Margaret on The Crown. Post continues after audio.

But there’s someone we need to spare a thought for right now – who didn’t just witness the most perfect sunset and have the love of her life bend down on one knee and ask her to spend the rest of her life with him.

Princess. Goddamn. Beatrice.

Allow me to explain.

In August 2016, Beatrice and her boyfriend of ten years, Dave Clark, ended their relationship. Royal sources, who I am convinced are writing mostly fiction, claimed the break up was mutual, after the couple decided that if marriage wasn’t in their future, they should go their separate ways.


Just NINE MONTHS later, Clark was engaged to Lynn Anderson, a New York advertising executive – a move described by some sources (me) as “kinda… rude”.

Excuse me sir but you look very smiley for someone who is about to get engaged to someone ELSE. Eugh. Image via Getty.

Now, within a year and a half of her long-term relationship ending, Beatrice not only has to deal with her ex getting engaged, but also her 'playboy' cousin (Harry... pls), and her younger sister... who is very busy gushing about the goddamn sunset in goddamn Nicaragua.


I assume without reservation that Princess Beatrice is a better person than I am and is entirely happy for her sister, her cousin, and her ex boyfriend. I'm sure she also has her priorities in check and places her self worth on far more than whether or not she's married.

Who knows, she might even be in love right now or not give a shit about love or SHE MIGHT BE BEHAVING LIKE EVERY 29-YEAR-OLD MAN ON THE PLANET AND LIVING HER BEST LIFE.


She's also incidentally become the most relatable royal in the world. Because it's a scientific fact that when you go through a break up, everyone around you gets proposed to alongside a beautiful friggin' lake in a country you can't pronounce and finds the love of their life within months. 

meghan markle prince harry smiling

Beatrice is also in the unique position where some publications are confused and running stories about 'Princess Beatrice's engagement' alongside photos of her sister, which... sucks.


Her apparent single-ness is the most conspicuous relationship status in Britain at the moment, with people in her home country and abroad incessantly talking about how Princess Beatrice is a) the last single royal over the age of four (which I'm pretty sure isn't true at all but... okay), and b) "on the shelf" - a phrase I didn't entirely understand until I googled it and saw it refers to women who are not married, and are now seen as 'too old' to get married.

She's... she's literally 29.

But also, no.




So spare a thought for Princess Beatrice today. Not because she 'needs a boyfriend', or because 'she'll never find one'. Not because she has two stupid weddings to go to and her sister won't stop talking about Nicaragua.

But because being a woman in the public eye who is approaching 30 is really hard and unfair.

And because she wouldn't have even been mentioned in relation to her sister's engagement if she were a man.

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