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Nine things about two-year-olds Kate and William need to know.

Happy birthday, Prince George. You’re two. Which is lovely for you. But, maybe not so much for your mum.

Your Majesty,

(Do I call you that? I am writing mum-to-mum so possibly I can just call you Kate? Katie? Luv?)

Happy Birthday Prince George (Getty Images)

Today your little fella turns two.

It’s a milestone, a moment in time to be held, rejoiced, and looked back upon with wonder at how the heck you ever got through that year.

Turning two is a different type of feeling for us mums. Their first birthday is all about us. US.

We made it through a year. We survived. It’s about cracking open a nice bottle of champers and reflecting on the trials of feeding and sleeping, of first steps and first smiles.

But turning two is all about them.

THEM.

The relaxing glass of champers turns into a hastily sipped G&T as you attempt to put together the Thomas Wooden Railway Table. The solitary reflection on their first steps and first words is put aside until after the Woman’s Weekly  choo-choo train cake is  decorated.

Two is about them. All about them.

Two is the edge of the precipice, in just the blink of an eye little George is no longer a baby, but a child.

A cute-as-a-button-rolly-as-a-pudding-frustrating-as-all-get-up child.

Your life is about to be transformed into one of complete and total extremes.

You will wonder just how you can be so head over heels in love with someone who totally sh*ts you off at times and drives you up the wall on a daily basis.

You will wonder how you can feel so soothed by stroking the warm cheek of the same sleeping beauty who kicked you in the shin and threw peas at your face.

You will wonder just where your sweet little toddler vanished to, until he reaches out for you, embracing you with a dribbly kiss and melts your heart all over again.

Welcome to two.

Here are some of the greatest things about two-year olds.

1. Terrible twos.

Terrible twos isn’t just a cliche..

We’ve all heard that cliche haven’t we? And we’ve all heard from mums of three-year olds who claim two isn’t actually terrible at all when you compare it to a three-nager, or from mums of four-year olds who talk about the “Ferocious fours”.

Hogwash. I am here to tell you they are wrong. There isn’t anything as terrible as a two-year old.

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No other age group can scream as loud or stamp as fiercely. When a two-year old has a tantrum there isn’t much you can do except ride it out. Little George’s buckle shoes and cute-as-a-bottom pull up socks will be flung determinedly across the room. He will beat and thump and roll around on the floor like a deranged monkey.

2. He will teach you to really appreciate the world around you.

When my little guy turned two, his curiosity about the world burned so bright it overtook all traces of common sense.

“Mama doggy poo-poo” he exclaimed as he waddled into the house, hands oozing with sticky brown goo. Thanks kiddo.

3. He will teach you resilience.

It’s hard going from being most loved to being emotionally crushed on at each and every turn.

I don’t want you I want Daaaaaaddddddddddyyyyyyy.

I want Muuummmmmy now. (Getty Images)

4. He will teach you about assertiveness.

The most treasured word of a two-year old. “No”.

Do you wonder what Prince George will get for his second birthday? The reaction of these kids to their presents is outstanding. (Post continues after video)

5.  He has learnt about possessions.

The second most treasured word of a two-year old. “Mine.”

6. He will take those first steps towards independence.

“Me do it.”

I am going to turn your world upside down.

7.  He will introduce you to the joys of removing objects from places they should not be.

Peas in nose. Iphones in toilets.

8. He will teach you patience.

Patience as you serve up spaghetti and cheese for the 10th supper in a row. Patience and as you rote Peppa Pig goes Swimming when you read it six times in a row every single night. Patience as you put back on that nappy he has removed for the third time in the past 20 minutes.

9. He will get you back into interval training.

First you walk really really slowly as you examine every blade of grass, then you run faster than the Queen’s corgis as you chase him down the street begging him to stop, stop, STOP.

Enjoy two Duchess because five and six are coming… Wait till I tell you about them.

Oh it is a wonderful year. But the thing Kate, with two-year olds is that their hearts have grown as quickly as their chubby little thighs and at this age their hearts are filled with just one thing – you.

So embrace it, enjoy it and drink through it, as it’s the only way to cope.

Drop in for a G&T at mine any time Your Majesty, we will compare notes.

Want more?

To every mother of boys: you can count yourselves lucky.
“I’ve got some questions for Kate Middleton about those baby photos.”