I was living in Manila with my husband when my waters broke at 21 weeks. I immediately went to see my Obstetrician who told me that I might be in labour, and I should head back to Australia, as the hospital couldn’t assist us if our twin boys were born prematurely.
I jumped on the first flight out of Manila not knowing if I was going to have the twins on the flight home or not. It was a terrifying experience.
As soon as I arrived in Melbourne I went for an ultrasound and they confirmed my worst fears, I had an incompetent cervix, it was funneling and the babies would be born any day. There was nothing they could do to stop the labour. I had the option of terminating or going on bed rest. I chose the latter as termination was not an option I could have lived with.
I tried my best to keep my boys safe inside me, even hiding my contractions from the midwives, however our darling twin boys Edward John and Harry James McNamara came into this world at exactly 23 weeks, and passed away on the same day – 16 March 2017.
The boys were born 45 minutes apart. Edward weighed 522 grams and Harry weighed 520 grams. They were perfect in every way, except their lungs were not formed, and there was no way they could stay on this earth longer than several hours.
The day itself was a bit of a blur. I remember the happiness I felt that I had met my boys, and became a mother not realizing they both would pass away shortly after. Had I known they were to pass away so quickly, I would have said so many things to them about how loved they were.
I can still recall how loud their heartbeats were when I held them on my chest. It was the loveliest feeling I’ve ever experienced. I’m certain they knew we were their parents. Before they passed away we read Dr Seuss’ ‘Oh the Places you’ll Go!’ as a family and had them both baptized.