If you were looking forward to nine months of pregnancy bliss, you might want to think again.
Before you ACTUALLY were pregnant… did you look forward to getting pregnant? Being told that you glow? Did you buy into this vision that being pregnant would make you an angelic round lump of contented domesticity with a perfect bun in the oven and out of it?
I hope that, by now, you agree with me that we’ve all figured out this is a bunch of bull.
I posed a simple question to the ladies that make up the BLUNTmums writer group: what happened that you weren’t expecting? What followed was a giant Facebook thread (vomited out in a huge rush of pent-up rage) of every gross, unbelievable, obnoxious symptom and weird thing that nobody told us can happen during pregnancy, labour, and even afterwards (there’s almost enough stuff here to write a book).
Why did no one tell us this? One can only presume that people tried to keep us in the dark because if we knew what we were in for, we'd never have let a guy within half a kilometre of our hoo-has. Humanity itself might have gone extinct. Once we do this thing, however, we discover that miracle-making has some dirty little secrets, but this is real life, and it's awesome... even when it's not (obviously so, because a lot of us get back in line to do it all over again in spite of being forewarned).
Motherhood is a joy, but it sometimes comes covered in snot, bucket sweat, and poop. It also comes with lots of groping from strangers, in case that floats your boat.
There was only one thing to do about it: we had to organise the list of "what weren't you told to expect when you're expecting" and ask the rest of you... are we wrong? And more importantly - did we miss any of your personal "favourites"?
1. The worst, most painful acne you've ever experienced