It still feels strange to say “I’m pregnant”. Especially out loud.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for close to three years now. What started out as a fun exercise quickly became a series of setbacks and disappointments. We experienced miscarriages, I had surgery for endometriosis and we went through three rounds of unsuccessful IVF that saw 48 tiny embryos never become our children.
We eventually decided to call it a day on assisted fertility and come to terms with a future which had just the two of us in it.
I sit down with Mia for a special episode of No Filter to discuss it all, you can listen here:
Our last ditch effort was to try a drug (called Letrozole) which may have had a positive impact on fertility, but with my other reproductive issues we weren’t too hopeful, and started the healing process of moving on at the same time.
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Two good things happened today. I got a blow-dry in my PJs at 7am because I booked a stylist through @luxit_official who came to my house. Game changer. Then I road-tested a foundation for Mamamia Shopping which I really like (I’ll write about it and reveal all during the week). And now I’m feeling too sick to attend the party I got all pretty for so I’m taking this full glam to bed. Oh, life. ????????????
Truth be told I was sick with hyperstimulation during our second round of IVF in this picture.
And then I fell pregnant. Quite quickly, too.
And every daydream I’d had about it happening was filled with overwhelming joy. Every movie I’d seen or story I’d read told me that I would feel nothing but pure happiness and excitement.
But I didn’t.
I felt fear.
I felt guilt.
I felt like a fraud.