Months have been spent planning the perfect wedding.
Every weekend was devoted to meeting florists, celebrants, musicians, caterers and dress makers tonsure every aspect was just right.
Each spare minute was used online researching bonbonaire and wedding rings.
Basically you’ve lived ‘wedding’ since the day that shiny (giant?) rock landed on your finger.
And then suddenly, it all stops.
You've now got all this spare time on your hands and a void where 'wedding planning' once was.
For many brides there is kind of grief that comes with the commencement of married life; a mourning of the intense anticipation that you've been living in the lead up to the big day, and a realisation that life has gone back to normal. (Which is strange really because it's supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life, right?)
According to recent reports, post wedding depression is an actual thing.
This from US ABC:
“Post-wedding depression is very real,” said Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD, and author of When Depression Hurts Your Relationship. “Many people--both male and female--experience the post-wedding time period as anti-climactic. All of the planning, attention, and excitement is over. And research shows that the first year of marriage is one of the most difficult adjustment periods in marriage. In combination, it can lead to depression.”
Psychologists agree that post wedding blues is something experienced by many brides in the wake of their wedding day.
Lauren Sowings, Psychologist at Sydney's Strategic Solutions told The Glow: "Often brides are unprepared for the rush of emotions which comes after a wedding. They have spent so long preparing for the day that they're at a loss when they wake up and it's all done".
Online wedding forums are filled with posts from recent brides about their unexpected feelings post wedding. These feelings were obviously not part of the wedding plans and can therefore leave a lot of brides, like me, unprepared and confused about these strange emotions.
You and Your Wedding, an online forum devoted to brides to be often sees posts appear like this one:
"I got married recently and everything was perfect. The problem is that now it is all over I feel so flat. It just seemed to take over our lives for the last 18 months and the anticipation was wonderful but now it is all over I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I have been crying my eyes out now for 2 days and I feel ridiculous because I have nothing to cry for yet I feel I am in mourning"
I know in the days following my wedding I absolutely experienced a sort of 'low'. It's not that I wasn't thrilled to be the 'Mrs' to his "Mr'. It's just that I had been operating at such a high for so long and all of a sudden, it was over. It was an emotional response to the conclusion of one journey and a transition into another. I definitely felt that something was missing in the weeks following our honeymoon, but didn't understand why I was feeling the way I was.
So what can you do to cure yourself of the post wedding blues?
Like a lot of things, post wedding blues are often aided by the passing of time. As you settle into your new married life together, you'll begin to refocus your energies on other projects or events. Think about planning holidays with your husband or renovating your home together.
Psychologist Lauren Sowings agrees:
"Focusing on other positives can help drag you out of the post wedding blues and can help fill the void where wedding planning once was"
Sowings recommends spending time with your family and friends who have perhaps felt a little neglected during the busy lead up to the wedding, and debrief about to magical day you shared together. If there is another wedding approaching try and share in the bride's excitement.
Make sure to take the time to enjoy your new marriage. It's a special time in its own right and marks the beginning of a long and happy life together.
If you don't have children (at all, or yet) use your new found spare time to reconnect and enjoy each other's company. It can be so easy to let relationships slide during the planning of a wedding (which is ironic, but true) so stay in bed and cuddle, arrange special date nights or weekends away and remind yourselves why you chose the other to be your partner.
How did you feel after your wedding? Sad it was over? Or excited about what was to come? Or just... really hungover?