When you’re growing up, you’re taught that romantic love is exclusively between two people that devote all their time, energy and love to each other.
This is how I thought relationships worked for a long time and never expected to deviate from this norm.
However, at 21 I found myself dating an older, married, polyamorous man and the way I love has never been the same since.
Watch: How to have better sex. Post continues below.
So how did this happen?
It began from a simple Bumble date... on which he wore his wedding ring.
At first, I was very sceptical as to how open his relationship with his wife was, but he was incredibly honest about his previous relationships and dating patterns.
We easily clicked, and he was the most interesting person I had ever met. The way he explained his approach to love was fascinating, and I was hooked.
I originally justified the relationship to myself by insisting that it was casual and so the polyamory didn’t matter because I wasn’t attached, but it soon became so much more, and I had so much to learn.
I can’t speak for polyamorous people everywhere as everyone has their own versions and definitions on what polyamory means and what works for them.
Polyamory can also change and evolve within individuals and relationships.
In this particular situation, he and his wife were each other’s primary partners, while she also had a long-term boyfriend and continued to date other people as well. However, as their relationship with each other changed, they dropped the hierarchical measure of relationships.
At first, I couldn’t really wrap my head around why you would actively go out and seek other people when you’re in a happy and healthy relationship to start with.
Listen to Overshare, the podcast you really shouldn't be listening to. Just like the best group chat with your mates, Overshare is a bit smart, a bit dumb and a bit taboo. Post continues below.
I could understand accidentally meeting someone, falling in love and becoming poly to adapt to that situation, but to go looking for more seemed unnecessary to me and insulting that the original chosen person isn’t enough.