weddings

Pippa Middleton's wedding was perfect - except for the cake.

It’s been a whole five days since Pippa Middleton married hedge fund manager James Matthews, but the hunger for every minute detail of their wedding — from the awkward best man speech to the glorious reception styling — rages on.

Reports have now given us a good idea of what was on the menu. It was a far cry from any of the weddings I’ve been to — dishes included caviar, langoustine and a muntjac carpaccio, and there was also a giant wheel of parmesan (yessss).

However, the wedding cake was… decidedly less interesting.

pippa james wedding
I'm not sure why they look so pleased with this decision. Source: Getty.

According to UK media outlets, it was a fruit cake with ivory icing.

Actually, no. We need to be more specific here, to really hammer home the horror:

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FOUR

TIERS

OF

FRUIT

CAKE

!!!!

THE HORROR.

Disclaimer: Obviously, fruit cakes are a longtime wedding tradition, and there's no doubting a high society wedding like Pippa and James' is as traditional as they come. They probably didn't have much room to break free from the shackles and embrace a 'naked' or 'drip' cake or whatever else is trendy these days.

Now I've got the formalities out of the way, can we all take a moment to acknowledge that if there's one wedding tradition that needs to be phased out immediately, it's the fondant-smothered fruit cake? (Closely followed by the garter toss, of course.)

Certainly, there are people in the world who enjoy fruit cake. As they say, different strokes for different folks, variety is the spice of life, some people have confusing opinions, etc etc etc. But there are, I believe, many more of us who don't.

Listen: These wedding trends are so ov-ahhh, according to Vogue. (Post continues after audio.)

Considering there's a whole WORLD of infinitely more delicious cake options (mud cake! cheesecake! carrot cake! red velvet!) it's almost rude, if not straight-up hostile, for couples to inflict fruit cake on their beloved guests. Let alone four tiers of it.

Considering most wedding cakes still take this traditional tiered format, why not alternate them? You can have your fruit cake and eat it too, so to speak.

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Even Pippa's big sister Kate, a fully-fledged royal, offered a second option - guests at her wedding to Prince William reportedly had the choice of fruit cake and chocolate biscuit cake. Be honest; which of those sounds more appealing?

I'm not the only one with this view.

No. No. No. (iStock)

"There should always be another option. If you're going to have four tiers of cake, you can spare a layer for an alternative flavour," one Mamamia staffer agreed when I conducted a quick straw poll.

This was echoed by one of my newlywed colleagues: "I had three different layers - white choc raspberry, choc caramel mud, choc mud. Something for everyone. Why have three layers of the same cake?"

Others were less diplomatic in their views. As one writer put it, "Fruit cake is the worst part of Christmas - why ruin another special occasion?"

Preach.

What's your favourite kind of wedding cake?

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